Thursday, December 30, 2010

New Years Resolutions: Things I SHOULDN'T Do

While I don't like to believe in them, I guess I would say that I should think about all of the things I've done and list a couple of things I'll try not to do for the new year.

1. Slack off. Now, I was able to get away with slacking off my senior year of high school, but I tend to forget that I was able to do that because I had high grades all before that. I think that I occasionally dismissed that good grades only come from hard work during my first college semester. I definitely need to tell myself to strive for what I used to, before senioritis kicked in (lol). I know I can do it, and I have to say that this semester was a huge disappointment when it came to grades. Hopefully I can actually take the mistakes I've made and turn them into positives for next semester =D

2. Become complacent. I don't think there's anything wrong with being happy with what you have, but for me, it's a sign of something bad. Either I'm not working myself to death because I'm not doing enough, or I'm simply fine with mediocrity. So, if I find myself hanging out with the same people over and over, I need to change that. I need to meet new people and try to expand my experience at Cornell to more than just a few people. Overall, I just want to make sure I'm making the most out of everything I do.

3. Do stupid things. A lot of times, I do things thinking that they're not actually bad, and they'll just make for a great story later... False. Completely untrue. Absolutely 100% BAD IDEA. I need to make sure I don't act like a straight-up fool sometimes. I don't think it's wrong to let loose, but there are different types of ways to have fun (which brings me to the next regret...)

4. Random Hook-ups. I don't think I really see the point in them anymore. I went crazy in the beginning of the year because I thought, "HEY. BOYS LIKE ME. I'M NOT SUPER UGLY. WOOT." Yeah, bad idea. But I think now that I've gotten it out of the way, I'm finally ready for that relationship I keep on wanting. I mean, I will admit that this chick do need her sensual seduction sometimes.. (jk) but honestly, I just think that I should stop. I realized a while ago that hooking up doesn't make me happy. I guess I thought of it as an ego boost before, but at the end of the day, I just feel... dirty. I know now that what I want more than anything else is someone to like me for more than just a one night stand and hopefully I like him back too. Apparently that's hard to come by though... I'll go ahead and break down my group of guy friends in Cornell. They all have: girlfriends, ex-girlfriend issues, or boyfriends. At this point, I might as well accept that I'm going to be single and lonely for the rest of my life. -__- Still, that hasn't stopped me from trying...

5. Get hung up on things. Blargh. Story of my neurotic life. Whenever something happens to me, I can't stop thinking about it hours, days on end. Everything either has a double meaning to it or I just think more into it that I should. It's a nasty habit, and one I'm not quite sure I can get rid of. Still, I'll try to keep myself from doing it as often as I do next year. One of the ways in which I need to move on with my life is probably in the romance department... I think I've liked the same guy for about three or four months now. I'm entirely sure that there is no way something will ever happen between us, and there is just no point in sitting around and waiting for him. I would say that every part of me has moved on except for my brain. It wants to hold on to the slightest hope that ANYTHING at all might result from my pining. Well, I'm hoping that this new year will also bring new boys into my life. I'm tired of wanting someone who will never look twice in my direction.

I'm sure there are a few other things that I'll want to avoid next year, but we'll see as the year goes along, won't we? ;D Oh, but one resolution for the year: UPDATE THIS BLOG MORE THAN ONCE EVERY EIGHT MONTHS. Sound good?

Hi, my name is....

Jen. I don't know if you really remember me, but I used to actually write on this blog. I know, I know, it's been a while. I actually doubt that if I did have anyone who read this at some point will even bother reading it now. BUT since I have a lot of downtime, I figured it couldn't be too terrible to write a couple of blog posts here and there.

So, it is officially winter break. Actually, it's been winter break for about two weeks now. I just got done with my first college semester. Well, you might be asking yourself, "Self, why are you reading this nonsense?" GOOD QUESTION, NON-EXISTENT READER. You're possibly reading this because you want to know how my life has been since I've gone to college. I'll just go ahead and break down the past four months of my life. After all this time, if I could sum up my experience into a haiku, here's how it would go:

Sometimes, life is hard
Classes suck; I like drinking
Five-syllable phrase

I know, I know. It's quite possibly some of my best work yet. But on a serious note, I absolutely loved my first semester of college. Of course there were various ups and downs, but I would say that aside from a few bumps here and there, it's been a fun ride. I'm hoping that I actually learned something from this semester and will do better come January 24th. If there's anything I would say from going through everything, it would be that it's okay to make mistakes. Sometimes, it's just the only way to learn. I don't think anyone knows what to really expect from college, but you'll get the hang of it once you learn more about yourself. I won't lie and say that I haven't done things I regret, or think about the things I could've done, but I can't undo the past, nor is there any point wallowing in a pool of self-pity. I can just.. move on, and think that I've possibly taken something from all of the experiences I've had.

And I hope that's how everyone else feels. Honestly, there is no one who will know you as well as you know yourself. Most of the time, however, you don't realize that you're not doing what's best for yourself. It usually takes a huge wake-up call to realize that. But I have confidence in everyone. It'll take a while, but I think that myself included, people will find out who they really are by the end of their four years of college. And that is what I look forward to the most this new year.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

It's been too long.

So, I haven't written a legitimate blog post in what feels like years. I promised myself that I would keep an internet diary-esque contraption so I could look back on what I've been doing since I got to college. Clearly, that's failed. But I guess I can't really blame myself. Things are just overall too too hectic over here. I have prelims, which is the equivalent of midterms, in the next two days. I have my Calc I exam at seven on Tuesday, and then my Oceanography one the next day. Kills me now pureeeeeseeeee.

Hmm, what is there to tell about my life? I would say... a lot of things. Things I'm not so proud of for the most part, and some things that have just made me happy. That sounds stupid, doesn't it? Haha, I guess I can just talk about everything. To start with, I had one of the worst days of my life on Thursday night. I realized how much I had let my studies deteriorate and I was about to break down in tears. I received four 0's for my micro class in the span of twenty minutes. And before that, someone had stolen my mathematics textbook, and so I had to pay for the lost one and then buy another one. I also had a 0 for the class since I couldn't do the homework without the book. The only thing keeping me from crying myself to sleep were the friendly thoughts of my friends. One of my suitemates was about to leave a note on my wall, telling me that she'll always be there whenever I need her, and I almost teared up from how touched I was. She really does care about me, and I can't imagine not having her in my life. Another one of my suitemates texted me telling me she loved me. I love the bonds I've created since I got here. It really does mean a lot.

Overall, I definitely need to try to do well for my prelims this week. That's been the primary focus, but I've definitely been trying to wash away my worries with alcohol this weekend. The partying scene at Cornell is very... interesting. I would say that it's not exclusive by any means, but that would be a lie. Sometimes, you have to know a brother to go to a frat, or you have to arrive exactly when the party starts to get in. Still, it's really not that hard to do, and alcohol is present constantly. While I don't particularly drink Keystone, I do end up drinking something by the end of the night. This weekend was fairly... interesting. I don't really know how else to put it. At first, I went to this party at a place calling Rockledge. It was a Glo-party themed event, and blacklights lit up the various white shirts in the room. It was average at best. I thought the idea of the party would be fun, and I did enjoy dancing with my gays (lol), but there were a few too many ugly dudes trying to grind up on chicks. I found myself literally disgusted by the guys trying to grab at my vagina while on the dance floor. People seriously need to find some restraint. fjdksafjdlksa. It reminded me of the highlighter party I had gone to last Friday, and how this one creeper literally attempted to trap me in a circle. If I didn't have people protecting my ass (both figuratively and literally), I might have been in a sticky situation. I'm definitely just full of sexual puns today.

From Rockledge, I went with a couple of my gay friends to Homo-coming. Yes, homo-coming. I found it hilarious, but apparently, my role as an honorary fag hag required my presence. I didn't really mind going, as the Glo-party was getting to the point where dancing the night away with uggos seemed a bit too pathetic. I actually ended up meeting my RA there, which was a hilarious experience. I knew he was going, but he clearly pregamed before attending. I loved every second of it. He comes up to me and instantly asks me if I'm drunk. When I say that I hadn't drank that much, he shoved a flask in my face and told me to drink to my heart's content. Clearly, he's the best RA ever. We ended up grinding the night away while completely shitfaced, but don't be misled! His boyfriend from back home has his heart. It's just my job as a hag to shake dat ass. I seriously love dancing with the gays. It's quite possibly one of the best experiences that I can have on the dance floor. Of course, being drunk makes it all the more better.

We ended up going to the after-party for homo-coming, which was hilarious in itself. I ended up running into the first chair bassist while on the way there, and I dragged him to it, even though it clearly wasn't the right place to take a fellow orchestra member. He did leave after a little bit, but what happened afterward was the funniest part. I don't know how, but I apparently am able to still "get some" even in a room full of gay guys. This random guy grabs me from behind and starts to dance with me as soon as I have a minute to breathe. It turns out he's the only straight guy in the entire place. Of course, my lovely gays were in shock and awe. I definitely did not want to do what he wanted though, and it was ridiculous how much I had to push him off. He was cute, but not that cute. Ben thinks that whenever I leave for more than five seconds, I'm fucking somebody. I'm definitely not that whorey, but I still find it hilarious that he thinks it. Our friendship is oh so lovely, isn't it? Gosh, this post is so scattered.. but I shall move on.

There was... something. Something I definitely shouldn't have done. I cringe at the thought of it, and yet, I did it. I did it twice. I definitely can't get into any details, but I betrayed someone, someone I genuinely like. I shouldn't have done it, but I couldn't help myself. No, that's a lie. I definitely could have, but I didn't want to. I know that I wanted to do it, and it's not as though I wasn't the one who initiated it. I may not have been the one to start it again a second time, but I didn't resist. I shudder at the thought, and yet I'm not sure if I necessarily regret it. Regardless, I am just... disappointed in myself. I knew I would succumb to something as stupid as that, just because I'm so ridiculously selfish. I don't think of anyone but myself. The only thing I can do now is apologize, although I can never say it to their faces. I'm sorry, really, I am.

So, now what is there to say? Maybe it's karma, but I've been ridiculously sick since I've gotten to college. At first, it was a cold, and then losing my voice, and now this. Not only do I have a horrendous cough, but I also have *cue dramatic music* pinkeye. Yes, pinkeye. Seriously? Who even gets that anymore? All of the people on my floor are treating me like I have the bubonic plague, but they're slowly growing on me again lol. It is highly contagious, but only if I make a lot of contact with my eye and then on various surfaces. But my health has been slowly but surely deteriorating since I've been here, and I can't say that I particularly enjoy. Still, watchu gon' do? Shit happens.

On a brighter note, I think I'd like to talk more about... friends. It's crazy how many different people I've met since I've gotten here, and I can't be all the more grateful. It's too much fun. An example of that is Sam's boyfriend. He freaking goes to Quinnipiac, and we've managed to become best friends already. At first, we only talked via Skype whenever I would bother Sam while he was talking to Mike. We bonded our love for Lady Gaga and his love for me (except not really). Hahah, he would constantly tell me how gorgeous I was, and of course, I couldn't resist him. Mike actually came all the way up to Cornell Friday, and the two couldn't keep their hands off of each other. I'm really glad Sam found such an amazing person to be with. I genuinely love the both of them and can't imagine two better people for each other. I mean, I would say that I don't particularly enjoy it when they sexile me from my own SINGLE, but I guess I'm just too good of a friend. I keep telling myself that worse things have been done on that bed, but the two are still paying for the laundry fee. Oh, bejesus. Still, I had so much fun while Mike was here and I get to add to my fag hag status.

And... my Calc prelim is tomorrow. I'm going to study. And fail tomorrow. But I shall call it a night when it comes to blogging. Hopefully this blog post wasn't too scattered and ridiculous. On a side note, I am ridiculously excited to go back home for fall break! It's only a week from now, but it seems like it's going to take forever. I'll have to go through four prelims before I actually get on the bus back. I don't know how I'll manage, but we shall see. Wish me luck! And until we meet again... =)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Day Ten: 1 confession

Hmm, I don't really have anything I would particularly like to confess. Well, that's actually a blatant lie, but I can't think of something specifically that I should say. There are a few things I could get off of my chest, but there's nothing deep down that I severely need to tell someone. Well, except for maybe the last one. And the ten day challenge is FINALLY finished! I shall do a little dance to celebrate. Okay, I'm done.

1. I had a crush on you. You had a crush on my friend. I hooked up with your friend in retaliation. Lol.

2. I stole that condom from your room. I don't know if you noticed yet, but hopefully you're not too mad at me for it!

3. I feel like we're growing apart and that you're getting tired of me already. I'm worried about our friendship.

Day Nine: 2 smileys that describe your life right now

Ehh, there are definitely more than just two, but here are my top choices:

=D (friends)

:/ (heartbreak)

=*( (prelims)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Day Eight: 3 turn-ons

Hahahahaha. Oh boy. What an awkward blog post. But we shall go through with it!

Biting of the neck. I guess it's the vampire lover in me, but I have some weird sensitivity when it comes to that area... Yeah, I'm creepy =D

Humor. Ahh, I don't know why, but I just love laughing. I consider it a hobby of mine, and I don't think I can ever get tired of having fun. Getting me to laugh is the best way to get into my... heart. Yeah, that's it.

Boobs. 'Nuff said.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Day Seven: 4 things that turn you off

There are actually a decent amount of things that turn me off, but I can't really afford to be pick, now can I? =) Anyways, I know these posts are a bit behind, but college is starting to get the best of me. I think that's a pretty legitimate excuse. If anyone's willing to do my Microeconomics homework, then I'll update my blog daily. =D

Bad breath/BO. That really isn't necessary to explain, but I seriously can't stand girls or guys who smell like complete shit. Even if he looks like Chase Crawford, it don't matter if he smell like a dumpster.

Clingy-ness. I absolutely can't stand it when boys are at every beck and call and have nothing better to do than to latch onto someone. Then again, I really hate it when I can't tell if a guy's interested in me. Hmph, I'm just weird.

Smartasses. You know that kid in class who always acts like he knows everything and is clearly smarter than the teacher? Yeah, then maybe you should be in a higher level class instead of taking the one you're in now, dickweed. Seriously, grow a pair, take off the stupid safari hat, and get a life. Hopefully, that new life involves a schedule without my presence.

Cockiness. Boys who think they're better than others, or too good for girls are just extremely obnoxious. Please, don't humor me. Just fuck off. Ahhhhhh, that probably is my biggest pet peeve out of all of them. Seriously, is it too much to ask for someone who's actually level-headed and not an asshole?

Shyness (Five, I know!). In a way, it turns me on, but shyness gets real annoying when you know someone for a long period of time, and it still feels like you know absolutely nothing about the other person. Also, it's frustrating when you clearly like someone but you can't figure out for the life of you if he could possibly feel the same way.

And... that's it! I shall write another blog post since I actually finished my homework before it's due.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

5 people who mean a lot

Even though she thought I was mad at her over absolutely nothing for about a week or so, I actually really do value Katherine as an amazing friend. I think she's the one who's made the most effort in making sure that we stay friends even while I'm in college. She does say some things that can be offensive, but I know she doesn't do it intentionally and that she's always looking out for me. I just hope she knows how much I appreciate her efforts.

OF COURSE, I have to mention Ben. We almost never run out of things to talk about, have fun laughing at the most stupid things, and in a way we're retarded soulmates. I think my college experience would be pretty different without him. It meant so so much when he stayed the entire night just because I was crying. I can't get over how amazing of a person he is. Apparently, we're good enough friends to bring forks to each other. Now that's love.

I haven't seen her in forever, but I end up missing her all the time! Nthabi seriously is one of my best friends, and I just love her so much. I cried the day we parted, and I know that my life will be worse when she's not there. Gah, I need more people like her in my life. Sweet, caring, and understands my disgusting humor.

Hahaha, Sam's ridiculous sayings always gets me. Even when I'm wearing his poop covered sweater, I still think he's wonderful and we manage to have the most fun even when we're attempting to study at 2:00 in the morning. One thing though: you need to stop stealing my noodos =P

Hmm... as mean as this sounds, I'm not sure if I can think of anyone else to list for this. Maybe I'll figure it out in the morning, but at the moment, I'm too tired. Peaceee

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Day Five: 6 things you wish you'd never done

This is going to be a tough post. I try to stay away from regretting things in the past, but I guess for the sake of this blog, I can attempt to do so. Ahh, I hate opening up old wounds.

Spend more time on my college applications. Of course I'm extremely happy with where I am now, but I still wonder what would've happened if I had put in more effort, tried to the best of my abilities. I feel like I didn't do that, and that's disappointing on my part. I expect more of myself

Tell someone I liked him. Gosh, it's actually really hard for me to say I like someone because the one and only time I did, I got rejected. And for the most part, the guys I have an interest in don't necessarily have an interest in me. I wanted nothing more than for us to be a couple, for him to like me back, and now I'll just wonder what could've been yet again. Unrequited like for two years?? That's excessive, even for me.

This one thing I did at a Super Mash Bros Concert... IT STILL BOTHERS ME EVEN NOW. But it seems like the two of us have made advances, so maybe it's not something I particularly regret all too much.

Have someone roll a joint in my car. It made my parents so disappointed in me, and made me realize how much of an asshole members of my family can be. I'd never felt so betrayed in my life. But it was originally my fault, so I don't really have anyone to blame but myself.

Making so many enemies senior year. I don't really know how I did it, but I did, and it was horrid. I wanted nothing more to be friends with everybody, and it seemed like they all just hated me towards the end of it. I wish graduation would have been a happier experience, and that I would have more fond memories to look back on, instead of petty drama.

Say something to my mother. Right before I left for college, I said something extremely spiteful to her and I want nothing more than to take it back. It was uncalled for, and I'm sure she only blames herself for me saying it. I want her to know that even with our differences, I do love her and that I never should have made her think otherwise.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Day Four: 7 things that cross your mind a lot

Failure: It's only two weeks into the school year, and I already feel as though I'm going to have a really difficult time in a few of my classes. A lot of my friends seem to be doing just fine, so it's especially hard for me when it just seems like I'm the only one not getting it. I think about what would happen if I flunk a class, out of the college, ending up as a homeless person because my parents are too ashamed of their failure of a child.

Happiness: There are certain moments where I truly and genuinely am happy. Whenever I'm more upset than usual, I try to think about a specific moment in which I felt that way. I can look back fondly and appreciate what I have.

Appearance: I'm extremely superficial, and it always gets the best of me. I need to appear my best in front of others. I can't leave my room with no shower, no makeup, no nice clothes. I have to constantly attempt to impress others, and I feel like an ugly hag when I do actually look like a bum and someone sees me. I want to crawl into a hole. I feel like it's a really unhealthy obsession, but I can't really stop. I need to make sure my fat isn't poking out of my jeans, that my bangs haven't separated in an awkward position.

Friendship: I think about the friends with whom I want to keep in contact, who actually care about me. I want to cut out the assholes who only cause me pain and misery. I'm starting to realize that now that I'm in college, I can easily forgot about the people from Jersey who used to do this. Before, I couldn't escape their judgement and snide remarks, but now I can clearly tell them to fuck off when necessary. Still, I can't help but think about the people who have gone off to different colleges or are still in North Brunswick.

Emotions: Why do I feel this way? Why does this matter so much to me? Last night, I just randomly started crying in front of a bunch of people. Someone who I considered a good friend did something. He betrayed me, destroyed what friendship we ever had, and never even explained it to me. I couldn't understand for what reason he would do it, but he did. I couldn't believe that someone like him would ever just ignore me like that. But I can't thank the people around me enough for wiping away the tears and staying with me the entire night. Your Lady Gaga danceoff was greatly appreciated <3

Boys: OBVIOUSLY. It's because I have a vagina. I'm naturally inclined to think about boys. Cute boys, ugly boys, stupid boys. Lately it seems like I only come across ugly/stupid boys, but I guess I make do with what I have. Every once in a while there are ones that I have a clear interest in, but of course that never really works out. I wish I had some game.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Day Three: Eights ways to win your heart

In no particular order...

Sing me a song. It doesn't have to be original, but it just is ridiculously romantic to hear someone sing to you. A ukulele accompaniment makes it oh so much better.

Putting a lot of thought into a hangout. If it's something besides just going to dinner and watching a movie. It could just be watching a Flight of the Conchords marathon, but it would mean so much because it's one of my favorite shows.

An amazing sense of humor. If someone can deal with my racist and pedophile jokes, as well as dish some amazingly witty remarks every once in a while, then I would be in love.

Having things in common. As cheesy as that sounds, I just love talking about the randomest things till three in the morning. Never running out of things to talk about is quite possibly the one thing I look for in a soulmate. I hate it when awkward people genuinely enjoy the terrible conversations we're having because they don't know otherwise.

Cuddling. I didn't realize how much I liked doing this until recently. Feeling the warmth of someone else is just so enticing and relaxing. Ahh, I needs me a boyfriend.

Expressing feelings. Gosh. I can't get over how oblivious I am to things sometimes. I can never tell when someone has an interest in me, and that clearly works in my favor all the time =P I feel like it's been too long since a guy has actually told me he liked me as more than a friend.

Having an accent. DJfkdsajfdkl;ajfdlksfdsajkl. I jizzed. In. My pants.

Material goods. What can I say? I love gifts =D

Now, I doubt that anyone would really care to know how to win me over romantically, but the challenge forced me to do it! Gosh, who knew these things could be so embarrassing?? But alas, it is 6:00am, and I have not slept since 2:00pm the day before. I think I'll start doing my work now.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Day Two: 9 things about yourself

I'm proud of my super smooth legs... when I shave them =D

I don't understand why a guy would think I'm pretty, but I wish one would tell me that every day.

I sprained my pinky toe recently when some fat bitch curb stomped on it.

I have a lot of fun attempting to corrupt innocent people.

I'm not good at playing bass and act like I don't care, but I really want to be able to learn music theory and actually be good at it.

I eat the adult gummy vitamins.

I understand nothing about Economics and already feel like I'm failing my classes. I need to stop this dreaded feeling of sinking.

I want there to be someone who wouldn't mind staying in on a Saturday with me, so I wouldn't have to go out every night.

I'm extremely self-conscious about everything I do. I can't stop thinking about how I look, how I convey myself to others, how other people see me. It's like a disease. I just want the voices to stop, but they constantly surround me.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Day One: 10 things you want to say to ten different people right now

We basically did a crash course in becoming best friends, but you have no idea how happy you've made me. I was so afraid that everyone was going to hate me, that I would never have any real friends in Cornell. Clearly, I don't think that anymore, and I have you to thank for it. Whether it's talking about farts, poop, or watching DVD's, I feel like life is never a dull moment with our conversations. We practically hang out every single day, and as much as I annoy you, I think you think we're good friends too. I really hope that I can tell you someday how much you've made an impact on me.

I really am not a whore. I was looking for someone like you all along, and I'm really upset that I made such a horrible impression on you. I wish I could take things back.

I'm sorry I disappointed you. You think of me as this perfect little girl, and I promised you that I would never do anything to hurt you. Lately, I feel like that's all I ever do. You were so happy that I called you to say how I've been, but that was quite possibly the smallest amount of effort I could've given. I never want to hurt you or make you think lowly of me, but I only exhibit behavior that would make you feel this way. I feel like I die a little bit inside because of this. I'm sorry I can't be what you want me to be.

You're quite possibly one of the funniest bitches I know. Seriously, everything you do makes me laugh hysterically. Asking me to make you noodles and falling asleep in my bed when I'm not there just makes me love you so much more. I hope we never have to part, even if we don't live on the same floor next year.

Can you really not see how much I genuinely like you? I forgot how it was to have a small little crush, this feeling of giddiness, just from talking to someone. You only called me cute once, and have proceeded to ignore me after this incident. I want to know if you still think that way, or if I'm just keeping my hopes up for nothing. I want nothing more than for you to like me, but I'd much rather know now that you don't feel that way at all.

I would so hate you if you weren't so gosh darn likable. Hahah, as weird as this sounds, I envy you too much. You're gorgeous, skinny, hilarious, caring, and effortlessly chic. You get all the guys without putting in any effort, and everyone approaches you first. Even the friends who have known me longer all flock to you. But you're so relatable, so sweet, and I feel like you think we're great friends. I can't help but adore you and want to be best friends with you. I hope you know how much I love your randomness and your notable quoteables =)

Goddammit, how many times can I say no? Seriously, you practically dragged me to make out with you, and you did actually drag me to stay. I kept trying to get away, but you just wouldn't let me. I definitely wouldn't mind being friends, but you're making it pretty hard on me. I wanted nothing but to be nice to everyone, but now I seem like a skanky bitch to at least three people now. Thanks a lot.

You are quite possibly one of the craziest partiers I know, and it's both good and bad. I love hanging out with you and talking to you about the randomest things. But I feel like a loser whenever I don't want to go out with you. I think a lot of the times that I could definitely just stay at home and be perfectly content, but when you ask me to go out, I feel like I have no choice. I just can't resist your partying ways. I resent you and love you for it. But I definitely like you more than anything else. You're quite possibly my closest girl friend since I've gotten here, and I absolutely appreciate it.

What's wrong with you? I can't believe you would do something like this to me. It's so minor, and yet so fucked up. I don't understand why you think it was necessary to do that. I thought we were good friends, best friends, and you can't even give me that. I slightly hate you right now. I'll wait a few days to make sure I'm not overreacting, but you really hurt me.

I'm sorry. For everything. You deserve so much better than me. You tell me you're infatuated with me every day, that I'm perfect, downright wonderful. But I'm not. I'm a horrible person. I can't trust you. For all I know you could be having raucous sex with every girl you encounter, or you could really be waiting for me this entire time. The fear of not knowing makes me anxious, and I can't wait for someone who I'm not sure about.

I think that was ten.. If not, then I fail miserably at life. But nothing else is new =)

The Challenge

As I'm in my Bio class and CLEARLY can't focus on actually taking notes, I decided to update the blog. It's been pretty hard trying to maintain and update things about my life, but I think I have a solution. The ten day challenge. Yes yes, this is definitely only for tumblr people, but I decided that instead of writing ridiculously long posts once a month, I could do this every day for a little while and perhaps make things a bit more interesting. So, let's go for it =D

10 day challenge.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

A week into it...

I would say that, in terms of the best friends issue, I don't find myself struggling with the idea as much anymore. In fact, I think I've made some amazing friends thus far. I would definitely say that Isabel is one of those people. We actually end up doing a lot of things together, and she always has her friends' best interest at heart. She's hilarious, sweet, and just overall an amazing person. I think I'm blessed to have met someone like that. Then there are all of the people on my floor, but I do think that I like Sam the most. He's just so lovable! He's also ridiculously funny, and even sings. It does help that he's insanely cute as well. HAHAHAHA, that actually reminds me of how he was telling us that he tried stopping himself from hitting a wall while drunk, and instead stuck his hands out and hit a wasp. His hand was hideously deformed, and yet I laughed at it hysterically. I am definitely an evil person.

I even saw one of the kids who graduated from NBTHS a year ago, and he also went to Cornell. It was actually embarrassing the way I ran into him. I was eating a whole thing of cotton candy and cried out his name. I was worried he'd get creeped out and run away, but alas! He decided to stay. And in a weird series of events, I ended up going out to dinner with him, his other friend from Jersey, and half of their floor (I live in High Rise Five, they live in Low Rise 7). It's funny since I totally am not a part of that group at all, but I've basically invited myself over there for the past two days. Yeah, I'm a creep. I also met this ridiculously gorgeous wasian girl, but she clearly doesn't know it. She attempts to work against her looks, which only makes her more likable. She seemed like she was the crazy hipster chick type, but she's actually ridiculously sweet and innocent. She even told me that she wrote about me in her diary, describing me as "the most BAMF korean chick" she's ever met. I have decided to corrupt her with TMI stories. I'm salivating at the thought =D

And then there's Ben. I actually met Ben only two days ago, and I think he's quite possibly one of the most interesting people I've met in my life. I actually thought he hated me when we first met. His monotonous tone and terse responses didn't really add to the idea that he wanted to be friends. I actually ended up texting him as well when Peter wouldn't pick up his phone and I still needed my bow, and Ben and I decided to make plans for lunch. He's ridiculously funny, adorable, and finds me hilarious. I don't really think I can ask for more in a friend. It seems like he genuinely does like me, and that's all I really want.

There are just sooo many more people I could go on and on about, but then I realized that this blog post would go on for ages, or I would just never post this. Seriously, I started this over four days ago and have practically given up on blogging. I genuinely just don't have time for it anymore. BUT, I figured that it's a good way to look back on how I felt about what was going on in a certain point in my life. An interactive diary of sorts =D

I guess I should go on to talk about one of the things I was really looking forward to... So. My orchestra audition... I can't get over how freaking terrible it was. And I have no one but myself to blame for it! Seriously, I don't know what I was thinking. I woke up at 10:50 when my audition was at 11:20. FUCK MY LIFE. Seriously, I don't know how I can be so irresponsible sometimes. I was really disappointed in myself. I'm surprised I didn't burst out crying right after it happened. I realized about halfway through my bawling that only five basses tried out for eight spots, so I was basically a shoo-in. Maybe the whole idea of the terrible audition just really got to me. I can't imagine being rewarded for something as horrible as my rendition of Vivaldi's Third Sonata. I seriously need to start practicing instead of whittling my life away on needless things (like facebook stalking... tee hee).

It is officially 1:30 am, and I definitely need to go to bed. I have class at ten, and I have yet to start half of my homework. Oh bejesus. I actually do have a lot of things to blog about, so hopefully I can find some time to sit down and write it! But until then... =)

Monday, August 23, 2010

Wow... just... Wow.

I have to say... My college experience thus far? UH-MAZING. I mean, I didn't think I'd get into it so early so soon. But I definitely love the "Cornell family" that's been forming at this point. I can't even begin to list the crazy things that I've done since I've been here. And I thought I was being bad right before I left... ;)

But to summarize a few of the *slightly* illegal things I've done all summer (which I failed to do in my last post since I was lazy) was drink roughly two times, smoke four times, have some form of sexual relations three times, drive around late at night 128392839018432893209329032890382382391 times, and get caught doing one of these acts by my parents. For the most part, all of these things happened towards the end of summer. I don't particularly know why, nor do I recommend it, but I had a very... apathetic approach to the end of summer. I figured I wouldn't see almost 85% of the people in the next four years anyways, so I might as well just do whatever the heck I could. I would like to say that I regret some of the things I've done, but I don't particularly regret anything. If anything, they all just add to the little experience I've had in life. It also makes for a fun list of crazy stories I can tell my friends. Muahahaha.

I probably should start with my suitemates. I have to say, I definitely love every single one of them. They're all ridiculously sweet, and amazingly friendly. I've had lunch with them as a group once, and every once in a while, we get together every now and then. I think I've bonded the most with this one girl Isabel. We call her the sheepherder since she's always making sure all of us stick together. She's definitely the biggest party girl in the group, but I think that we're both loud and insane, so it's definitely not hard for us to get close. There's also this one girl Veronica. I wish I could hate her, I really do... but I just can't. She's too sweet! And that's what makes it so much worse. Not only is she drop-dead gorgeous, but she also is tall, skinny, has amazing hair, and is one of the nicest people I've met. She can solve a rubik's cube in less than three minutes. Kill me now. Lol, I haven't been too close with the other suitemates, but I still do love them dearly. Abby and Hannah are just really nice people, and I think they bring out the better person in me. And I can't even begin to explain things about my entire floor. We've dubbed ourselves the Cornell family. We all take care of each other and always just barge into each other's dorms. I was a bit apprehensive about living in High Rise, but all of the people in it are just too fun. Clara Dickson can go suck on an egg for all I care.

So, what's been going on in college? Well, at Cornell it is currently O-Week at the moment, and I'm practically loving every second of it. I've gone to most of the required events here (even though they totally don't check to see if you come. Bleh) and have been out every single night. I figured I might as well enjoy the limited amount of time I have before classes start. And life has been good. I heard from my hosting program before that there weren't as many parties because the cops were on close watch during the first week of orientation. SO NOT TRUE. Not true at all. If anything, there's been a ridiculously excessive amount of parties around this time of the month (no period pun intended). Party hopping is a definite possibility whenever people go out, but of course, not all gatherings are equal. For the most part, the frats and Collegetown (a place right on the edge of campus) houses are the ones who throw the parties. I have never seen so much cheap beer in my life. I can't particularly drink beer, though, so I try to stay away from it. I usually just carry one around to make it seem as though I'm not completely sober. While that seems pretty weird/dumb on my part, I can't handle the taste of Keystone. It's just plain shit. Seriously. But it's college, and no one's shelling out the money for some nice Coronas. Luckily, I haven't had to pay any money for entrance into the parties. I can't imagine having to do that, but a couple of my friends from various colleges told me that they had to pay to get into some of them. I'm that I can safely say that I thoroughly enjoy free alcohol. I think it's because I have boobies =D

At the end of the day, I would say that my relationship with drinking is very... volatile. Clearly, it can be a lot of fun, but for me, I think I prefer not doing it. My body just can't consume copious amounts of alcohol, which leaves me with a ridiculously low tolerance and a not so jolly time. If I choose to drink, it means that I also choose to throw up everything that I've eaten in the past 24 hours. Yuck. I hate how I can't really just have even the slightest amount of alcohol without barfing on someone's shoes. So on the first and second day, I didn't really drink all too much. Although I do have to admit that the second day was more irresponsible on my part. I had approximately... five (ish) hits, which definitely killed me by the end of the night. I met a couple of interesting people at this particular frat. One of them kept on giving life advice and telling us what we should do with our time at Cornell while pumping the keg (lol). Not gonna lie, I was slightly attracted to him, and I don't really know why. He's not particularly good looking, but I guess I love those sardonic assholes.

On Friday, the first day of orientation, my suitemate texted me about a party in Collegetown and so while I was walking with a couple of people I just met recently, I decided to go with her and my other suitemate for my first real college life experience. It was... interesting, I suppose. I mean, I didn't think it was the most fun I could ever had, but it definitely wasn't a bad time. I got beer all over my cute new dress, which all of my suitemates loved apparently (I think I looked like I was going to church). I realized that everyone was really nice to the freshmen class and that no one really cared about age. There were a few sophomores that were just oh so sweet, and I got closer with a few more people from High Rise. That was the first of a few nights of mayhem to come.

On Sunday, I figured I might as well just drink all of my worries away since I hadn't exactly done so just yet. And it was gooooooood. Hahaha, I feel as though these blog posts are becoming some sort of confession booth for me at this point. But my friend texted me about some part at DKE and that it was "bar nite" (which I figured what that meant later) there. I went with most of my floormates, as we all randomly became best friends in a day. I walked in on this girl with a cello and asked her if she was auditioning for the orchestra. Our conversation led to a whole congregation of people on our floor and I got to meet just all of these great people. I really hope she does get in, as well as I pray that I'm in as well. Oh lawdy.

So, back to Sunday. I actually can't exactly recall what happened, but madness ensued for the most part. I think that was quite possibly the craziest night of my life. I don't know if I can go into full detail, but for the most part, I was apparently a very fun drunk. I remember a few shots, cocktails, and hard liquor. I also remember dancing, but it was very bad dancing. Isabel thinks my "skills" are cute, but they're really just laughable at best. I look like an oompa loompa bopping all over the place. I did meet someone there who seemed nice and cute, but then again, I don't think I was in the best judgement. My friends all noticed I was gone for a semi-long period of time and found me upstairs. Hahaha, apparently, they all had a newfound love for me and my skankiness. Oh college.

The walk of shame with my floormates has got to be one of the best memories I've had here so far. We were all yelling and screaming like typical drunk freshmen, but we did it together. Sam and I yelled obscenities at the cute couple in front of us as we laughed our heads off. Sam actually became my new best friend as he pulled my hair back when necessary and held my hand while we walked our tipsy selves back to our dorms. That night was just one of those typical college life experiences, and I'm glad I got to spend it with such amazing people.

And now, I'm looking towards the future. I would say that a couple of the things I'm looking forward to, in terms of academics and extracurriculars, would be my Econ class and orchestra. I've only met one person who's in the Microeconomics class so far, and even though she's quite possibly one of the cutest/sweetest girls I've met here at Cornell, I figured I would've met more people since Econ is the most popular major by far in the College of Arts and Sciences. djkaf;jd;fjdsalfjaf. I can't even describe the frustration I get when I ask people what colleges they're in. It's always engineering or cals for biology. It turns out that most of the A&S kids are in Clara Dickson, while I'm in High Rise 5. I definitely don't hate being in High Rise 5 though. It seriously has become a family of its own. Besides one or two stragglers, everyone on my floor is not only extremely friendly, but hilarious and accepting as well. While I do know that Clara Dickson is also known for its ridiculous openness, I do think the members of High Rise have proven to be a bunch of crazy bitches as well XP

But all this fun definitely comes at a price. I find myself waking up extremely exhausted, not prepared at all for my classes that start in three days, and freaked out about my audition which is in two days. While the audition thing isn't really my fault (the practice room is closed on weekends and I just got to Cornell on Friday... FUCK ME), I still freak out about it. I met some other girl who just really wants to be in the orchestra, but at this phase, it doesn't seem too likely. She didn't even know we had to fill out an audition form, while I haven't had any time to practice. Is it wrong to think that hopefully most of the other bass kids who audition suck really hard? And I missed one or two things because of the late time in which I've woken up. Granted, it's not all that big of a deal since none of these things are required, but I still do feel guilty. What am I going to do when I have to go to classes early? Gah. And then there's my face... Oh, what agony it brings me. I can't even begin to describe the hell that my acne has put me through. Most of my suitemates don't seem to suffer from this horrible disease, but of course my face has been breaking out like no other. I blame it on the a) new environment that my skin isn't accustomed to b) my lack of updating my skin care regimen and going to bed with my makeup on c) my period and d) my stress. This has created a medley of whiteheads, blackheads, and pimples galore. If only I was actually pretty so that acne didn't matter...

Overall, I definitely do love the things I've experience since I've gotten to Cornell, but I can't help but be bothered by a few things. I did make a lot of new friends when I came here, but I can't imagine any of these friendships being long term. They all like the drunk me or the stupid me, but I don't know if they'd ever want to go to Starbucks to just talk, and at the moment, I think that's what I want the most. I know it's a bit too soon to be looking for life-changing friends, but I just wish I had someone to really bond with, and having a single dorm doesn't really make it that much better. I find myself feeling alone even when I'm in the center of a group of people. I think I just need to lower my expectations in this aspect. I can't expect random kids to just tell me their life stories and want to be my best friends, but I always hear about how the friends one makes in college are the ones that will last lifetimes, and I got too excited about that. When I realized that things like that wouldn't happen instantaneously, it made me sad. I wonder if anyone else feels the same way, or if I'm just being really paranoid. Does it make sense that I'm slightly lonely, even in a college with 3000 incoming Freshmen?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

How could I not?

So. I figured I needed to write one last blog post to summarize my entire summer because, as of tomorrow, I'll officially be in Cornell. Today was (as many people would say) bittersweet. Of course I want to grow up and go to college, but I didn't know it would be this soon. Luckily, I didn't bawl as much as I did at graduation, but I did shed a few tears here and there. I will say that I kept myself from even giving a second thought to certain motherfuckers because they didn't even seem to care in the slightest bit that I left.

Overall, I would say that I had a ridiculously crazy summer. These past two weeks have been spent very well. I'll try to do as much summarization as I can. I got to see the people I really wanted to, like Rachel, Nthabi, Beth, Lucy, Katherine, Alice, Nishat, Mike(s), Peter, and even more. I seriously can't even begin to thank these people for being amazing friends. I know now that I do have some sort of net to come back to when I'm in North Brunswick, and I really couldn't ask for more. I even had a few summer flings here and there, which were surprisingly nice. I think I'm not really cut out for relationships, BUT HOPEFULLY CORNELL WILL PROVE TO BE DIFFERENT. Yeah, I'm totally not lonely...

Today, I tried to fit in as much time as I could with my friends, even though I was scolded by my parents the day before. I thought I could risk the consequences if it meant seeing some people for quite possibly the last time in the next five months. I actually had a ridiculously fun time at my friend's house at around ten thirty. Making pancakes at 11:30 at night and talking on a couch for two hours is just another wonderful memory I'll always keep with me. Who knew things like that could mean so much?

But before that, I went to the mall with two of my friends. One of them was a really nice person from All-States that I hadn't talked to in two years. I don't really know how we got to talking again, but I'm really glad I got to see her before I left. She's someone who I definitely wouldn't mind keeping in touch with for years to come. I need more people like her in my life: genuine, caring, and sweet. I doubt there's anything remotely wrong with her. I absolutely adore her =) I also saw one of my old (ish) friends. We've been friends for a decent amount of time, but just got close this year. I have to say that she is definitely another person that I hope to be friends with long after we're out of college. We can have fun singing along to Dynamite (completely out of tune) or talking about particularly nasty hookups. Gah. Leaving people like this makes me really sad.

I also went out to go bowling with a different group of friends, and I thought it was... disappointing. I don't think any of them genuinely cared that I was leaving, or even wanted to keep in contact with me after I left. I could only think of one person who might do that, and that's pretty saddening. I thought I could expect more, but I guess they just don't like me, and I can't do anything about that. I guess it's all the better that I know now than later.

And now it's late and I should be getting ready for college, which I totally haven't done. I feel bad that this post is so scattered and uninteresting, but BITCHES, I GOT COLLEGE IN DA MORNIN'. Respect.

*I know I went to Cornell August 20th, but I just had time to upload this now lol. Hope you enjoy! =)

Friday, August 13, 2010

Rant (lol)

I think I enjoy acting like a whore. Is that a weird thing to say? This probably sounds like it's coming slightly out of left field, but it's something that's been on my mind for a little while, and I thought I'd try blogging about it and see if I feel better. I definitely wouldn't call myself an actual whore, but like a whore... poser.

I know this is completely random to think about, but it's like, I'm one of those people who talks a big game (aka screams penis all the time), but doesn't actually do anything. But I've had perfect opportunities to do so, and I just don't take them. I don't exactly know why either. Like yesterday. This guy I'd been talking to for a while came all the way to my house at one in the morning. As creepy as that sounds, it was actually really sweet, and quite possibly one of the best memories I've had so far. I always had the impression that the guy was the player/heart-breaker kind of guy, but I was pleasantly surprised. All he did was hold my hand and listen to me talk, all while under the night sky. He didn't try to pressure me to do anything, or make me feel uncomfortable in the slightest way. But a part of me really wished something did happen. Why? BECAUSE I'M A WANNABE SLUT. Hahaha, but seriously, it doesn't help that he's ridiculously cute and apparently thinks I'm adorable. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Apparently failing.

But that's one of the few things on my mind. *Insert somewhat good transition here that I totally can't think of* It's fairly unrelated to this next topic... Bitchassness. Now, I don't generally like to quote P-Diddy, but I do think that the occasion does call for it at this time. There is this guy... I shall dub him Guy A. I'll name the friend Guy B. So, I was on Skype a couple of days ago and vidchat with Guy B. It was the first time we had done so since I had gone to Korea, and it was nice just talking. HOWEVER, Guy B asks me if I've been a "naughty girl" lately, to which my response is, "... what the fuck." Instantly, alarms start ringing off in my head. I don't think he would randomly bullshit me and just try to mess with me, so I already knew: someone said something. Gah. I hate people who can't keep their mouths shut. I guess I don't really do that well either, but when it comes to certain things, I think they're better left unsaid. But back to the story.

Guy A and I never did anything together, but we did have the occasional... phone sex. DISGUSTING, I KNOW. I don't know why I ever did it, or how I even found it appealing, but it still happened. It's not really my proudest moment lol, but I figured that as long as it was never mentioned again, that I wouldn't have to think about it. Well, clearly that doesn't occur. So, as I'm wondering just what the heck Guy B is talking about, it turns out that Guy A TOLD Guy B about what happened. This pissed me off for various reasons: the guy has a girlfriend, one with whom I'm actually good friends, so I figured it was one of those "DON'T EVER TELL ANYONE THIS HAPPENED" kind of thing. Also, I remember specifically telling Guy A NOT to say anything, even to his supposed best friend. He told me not to worry, especially since he wouldn't tell his best friend because he's "unreliable" and can't keep his mouth shut.. O RLY?

I just don't really understand why he would tell Guy B. I mean, I seriously have to wonder if A's a moron. Why would you go and tell one of the ridiculously few mutual friends that we have, especially one that would tell me about this because he's one of my good friends? Also, is A a girl? I mean, can he not keep his mouth shut about the most minute gossip? I can't even begin to understand how this could be something worth bragging about. If anything, it's mortifying for both parties. But of course, Guy A told Guy B every grotesque detail about it. I can't believe he's that stupid.

I'm sure anybody who's reading this just thinks I'm the moron and wonders why I even did it in the first place. To be honest, I can't really explain. As weird/wrong the thing I did was, I guess I... expected it. I don't know how to react when some guy is just constantly showering me with compliments, telling me how pretty I am and how I'm perfect in every single way. I feel like it was only natural to want to do something back... LOL THAT SOUNDS REALLY GROSS. I think I'll just stop talking about this topic altogether. I think I just needed to let off some steam about this, and it seems stupid to do that on something that's fairly public like a blog.

One of my friends said she liked my blog because I would be the only to openly talk about anything and everything that goes on in my life... And I think that's the only way I would want it. I mean, if I didn't, then what the hell would I have to talk about? I love that people actually do take time to read this posts, and I think the least I could do is at least be honest, with both myself and others. And now I think I'll end this with things I've been liking.

Things I've been enjoying lately:

1) Consistency. As weird as this sounds, I like knowing that something is predictable. Whether it's coming home to an understanding father in the midst of a critical relatives, or going online and having certain people im-ing you every day. Even if it's not the most stimulating conversation, it makes me think that they care enough to always be there.

2) Fuzzy feelings. As LOSER-ISH as this one sounds, I think that feeling giddy is definitely a way to feel like a girl again. That small touch on the hip, or that insanely adorable text message. Either way, I just feel... happy. And it seems as though that hasn't been as easy as it used to be. I really enjoy the small times where you can relish the moment a bit.

3) Phones. I think it's because I was in Korea with no cell phone, but I've fallen in love with texting and calling. I actually felt ridiculously popular (hu hu hu) when a few of my friends called me while I was at the movies today. While this is complete poppycock and I am incredibly pathetic, I seriously am glad where I can just whip out my phone and attempt to contact someone I know instead of faking it with the phone I had in Korea. Good times... Goooood times. Not.

4)Blackmail. Muahahahah. Yeah, I'm definitely just a female dick. I made someone feel guilty about not getting me a birthday gift even though my birthday had been over a week ago, and she gave me a gift today... at someone else's birthday party. And then I made a bet that I knew the other person would lose, just so I would get a free movie ticket. I would say that I do all these things because I'm an evil mastermind, but even I can't kid myself. I know I'm dumb. But even dumb people can be douchebags =D

5) Jeggings. My ever expanding waistline has been exceptionally unforgiving lately, and the only pair of pants I seem to be willing to wear out are my jean leggings. I don't particularly think that it is appropriate bottoms, but it's nice to wear something that stretches with my fat ass. The only thing that bothers me is that when I try to scratch my leg, my fingernails turn blue from the material. What bull.

This post was a bit different than the normal ones I do, but there were a few things I wanted to just get off of my mind. And into your pants ;)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

A revision

I'm a bit unsatisfied with my last two blog posts. I got pretty tired midway through writing them, and I just wanted to finish. So, I ended up just writing down all of the stuff I did, without even explaining them or saying what I felt about them. Overall, I think that while my trip could have been better, it was mainly my fault if I felt like it was lacking. Thinking about it, I'm a bit upset that I didn't start taking pictures for my trip until the very end of it. I think that I wasn't really trying to enjoy what I was going through for the first week or so. Instead, all I thought about was what I could be doing in the States and how it might've been a mistake coming there. But when I tried being more open-minded, I ended up having the most fun I had all summer.

Also, I think that I was really trying to convey this message that I was an adult while in Korea. I wanted to be seen by others as someone who's going to college, and clearly ready for it. But I should've just liked being young and doing whatever the heck it is that young people do there. Except I didn't really have the friends or means of transportation to do that really XP But if I were given the opportunity to go to Korea again (perhaps for a study abroad program), I definitely would take it. I can't get over how much I loved every single one of my relatives. Some of them had their quirks, but they all seemed to genuinely care about how I was doing. This is in stark contrast to how useless and alone I felt just ten years before. I thought that they only cared about my brother, who was the boy of the family.

But here are a few things that I noticed while I was there...

1)There are no left-handed people. Seriously, every time I was sitting at a table, at least one person would comment on it. I know that it used to be seen as bad luck a few decades ago, but I guess no one wants their child to bear the hand.. OF THE DEVIL. But seriously, I was born left-handed because my father was, but he's currently a rightie. Why? Because my grandmother beat him constantly until he started using his right hand for all tasks. He was clearly scarred for life, and when my mother suggested for them to change my left-handedness, he vehemently opposed it. I think that this kinda makes me special, so I'm glad he let me keep it. Still, I don't quite understand why it's still such a rarity in Korea. Regardless, it did bring about attention towards me hahaha.

2) Friendship bracelets don't exist. All of my relatives kept asking what the piece of string on my hand was. I explained to them that it was a bracelet my friend (in this particular case, Rachel) had made for me personally and I then tied it around my wrist. One of them thought I joined the Kabbalah religion... No. But they either were perplexed by the idea of friendship bracelets, or just thought that all American kids wore it. When my brother visited two years ago, he wore one as well. I'm sure they all have this image of everyone wearing string on their wrists in the States as a fashion statement.

3)They really seem to like American people. For the most part, I can't really speak Korean all too well, so I just kept my mouth shut. I figured it would be annoying for people to hear me speak in English when no one else did. I thought of it by remembering how much I hated it when people in New Jersey start speaking in their language in front of everyone. It's annoying and you live in America, I thought. Learn the language -_- But it turned out to be the opposite! For the most part, everyone could tell that I had horrible grammar in Korean, and I'd get called out on it sometimes. But as soon as I started talking in English, everyone ooh-ed and ahh-ed at my "flashiness" and "cool personality". Yeah, weird.

4)Korean boys definitely don't like me. Hahaha, I'm not sure if this one is entirely true, but it sure seems like it. The only time I can recall being checked out during my entire trip is by some white guy taking a drag while I was walking down the street. Wow, I managed to get looked up and down by the one person who's actually not from here. Can you say... fail? But then again, I'm not really good at noticing people when they do stare at me for various reasons, so maybe there were some random Korean boys looking my way. I highly doubt it, but who knows? At this point, I've lost all hope in me ever finding one. I guess I'll have to stick to mah white boys =P Not that they stick to me either...

But hmm, what else is there to say? I guess I can talk a bit more about what's been going on recently. It was actually my dad's birthday yesterday, and I felt ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE because I had forgotten it. I knew it was the 10th, but I didn't actually know that day was the 10th... I blame my jetlag =P But basically, here's how it went down. This'll be the series of conversations between my mom and dad over the phone. This is all translated from Korean by the way.

*Ring Ring*
Dad: Hey, I just wanted to know if we're going out for dinner tonight?
Mom: .... No. Why would we?
Dad: Well, I kinda wanted everyone to go out as a family today. I mean, it is a special day.
Mom: No, just come home. I already made dinner and everything.
Dad: ... Okay. I'll talk to you later. *click*

Second Call:
*ring ring*
Dad: SO. I think I'm going to get my hair cut today.
Mom: That's nice.
Dad: I might come back a little late because of it.
Mom: And you're telling me... Why?
Dad: Well, just in case you were planning something and needed to know.
Mom: I don't need your life story. Bye. *click*

Third and Final Call:
*ring ring... ring**
Mom: Is there a reason why you're calling three times in the past fifteen minutes?
Dad: ... Are you forgetting something?
Mom: ... No... Do you mean the groceries? I said I'd get them tomorrow, so get off my back about it. *Pause. Now has a revelation of what the heck today is* I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

So there, that is what happened on my father's birthday. I managed to google "good gifts for dad" and found a website detailing nice gift ideas. I saw the option of buying expensive alcohol, and told my brother that we should get him Johnny Walker Blue Label Whiskey. Of course, my brother tries to explain how I'm a moron and don't understand the tax on those types of things... And then we end up getting him that anyways, but he still takes all the credit. We just bought the stuff as Costco, where everything's always cheaper. That reminds me. In the States, Costco is pronounced "cost-co". Makes sense right? Well, I specifically remember one of my friends making fun of me because I called it "coast-co" because that's how my parents say it. Well, it turns out that there are actually Costcos in South Korea, and that everyone says it like that. So HA, you jerky mcjerkpants who called me out on my so-called mispronunciation. I knew there was a reason for it. I'll just put this down as another win in my book...

Oh, and I guess I can talk about one more thing. One of my newfound friends from Cornell recently started talking to me, and we got around to the topic of Chatroulette. Of course, everyone and their grandmother has been on it at least once, usually with a bunch of their friends. I, OF COURSE, haven't. I thought that it might be slightly pathetic to go on without a buddy and just doing it for fun, but I got annoyed at how everyone would talk about their Chatroulette adventures and how I never could really understand them. So, I put on my big girl hat and decided to go on. I was ready for the excessive amounts of penis and the whole she-bang. The first person I end up meeting is the only person I talk to for the entire night. Haha, as crazy as it sounds, I had a four hour conversation with a random stranger I met online. And now we're friends on both Oovoo and Skype. So thank you, mystery man, for making my first Chatroulette experience a fun one =D I have to say that it was quite possibly one of the weirdest things I've done all week.

And it is 11:15, and I'm still grimy as fuck. By that, I mean that I woke up at nine thirty and haven't taken a shower or brushed my teeth since I got up. Yeah, I get distracted by the computer too easily hahaha. But I shall end this post with a peace of mind, knowing that I'm actually satisfied with what I wrote. Maybe because I used the word penis? =D

Monday, August 9, 2010

So... What happens now?

It's 5:17 at the moment, and I definitely should be sleeping. Before this I was on oovoo with one of my friends who I haven't seen this entire summer. Despite all the mean things he says to me sometimes, I do think that he is an amazing friend and that I'm glad I wasn't too ignorant and got to know some juniors in the past couple of years. Hahaha, this sounds terrible, but I think that his misery makes me happy. He told me that he didn't like how I told another girl in his grade things that I haven't told him, even though he's known me longer. Do I sense... jealousy?? I wouldn't go far to say it's that, but it seemed like he cared enough to want to be good friends that he was insulted when it didn't seem that way. Now don't I feel so popular ;)

Regardless, I just think that while spending three hours on oovoo was excessive, I seem to always have a fun time with these types of conversations. Oh, and that reminds me! I just recently made a skype since it seems like everyone in the world and their grandmothers have one. I decided to join the bandwagon and see if it'll be easier than oovoo. So far it's look pretty interesting. Of course Katherine is the first one to invite me into a conversation. I really do consider her one of my best friends. I can't get over the things she does for me. She always manages to include me in her life, and that's a lot more than I can say for most of my friends. Even if I don't know any of the other people in the conversation on skype, she compliments my asian looks and introduces me to her friends. And she even drew me a picture of myself as a birthday gift. I didn't actually tell her, but I almost cried. I can't begin to describe how much something like that touched me, but after spending my entire birthday on a plane, and coming home to nobody, I began to think that maybe my eighteenth birthday wasn't such a bust after all.

I don't mean to get so sensitive on what should be a happy day, but for the most part, my birthday is usually a lonely one, and this year was no different. I did hang out with some friends the day after, but it just wasn't the same. No one said happy birthday to me unless I reminded them, I didn't receive any gifts, and I felt like only one person truly acknowledged that my birthday was just the day before. I know these all sound like materialistic things, but I just wanted some indication that people... genuinely cared. I guess I had high hopes because my last birthday was absolutely wonderful. Beth had actually thrown me a surprise party, and it was the one birthday I'll always remember. I can't imagine someone going so far to do so much for me, and it quite possibly was the best one I've had in my eighteen years.

So, what have I been doing since I got back? Well, thanks for the question voice in my head! I would love to tell you. Lately I've just been trying to squeeze in as many hang-outs as I can before I leave for college. It was about halfway into my Korea trip that I realized I was only going to be in North Brunswick for two more weeks. I panicked. That isn't nearly enough time to see all of my friends. But I'll make it work. Or at least I keep telling myself that. It just has to. If I really want to, I think I'll be able to. I don't think I'll cry the day I leave, since none of my friends will be there, but it saddens me to think that this is all the time I have with them. Life's too short to spend it without close friends.

In the past two days, I've seen about... ten of the people I intended to see. I think that's a pretty good start. I didn't actually know until the day it was happening, but my friend had been planning a beach day and then watching a movie afterwards for the day after I came back. I saw it in time so that I could go to the event. I didn't go to the beach because I wanted to see another person first, but I did decide to catch the movie. So, with my friend in the afternoon, we decided to go to Burrito Royale, quite possibly one of the shadiest burrito shacks in the area. But my friend thought it would've been a nice idea to get ice cream as well. I was craving any and all American food. After three weeks of delicious Korean meals, I needed some Taco Bell and Wendy's in my stomach. We ended up going to Friendly's and ordering more than enough food to feed all of Ethiopia. Needless to say, we didn't go to the burrito shack. I couldn't even find it! It practically up and walked away. But moving on. I went to go see that movie. I gave a couple of people their souvenirs, and we ate pizza while watching Avatar. It was initially planned that we see it at the park, but it was ridiculously crowded. So, I offered my house since my parents couldn't possibly say no to the birthday girl. I think all in all, it was a good night. I did suffer from jetlag and so towards the end of it, I actually fell asleep >.< But I definitely did remember why I missed hanging out with these guys. They're all hysterical and ridiculously fun. There really aren't too many dull moments. I had a lot of fun listening to their stories at the beach about rubbing nipples, as strange as that sounds.

There was one thing I was a bit hesitant about that day though. There was an ex-friend who I also hadn't seen for a long time. She's definitely a big part of our group of mutual friends, but I knew she didn't particularly like me. There were some issues around prom season that I think I blogged about in a different post, but it's not really necessary to bring it up now. Basically, while I did want to be friends with her, it seemed highly unlikely that would ever happen, and she made it pretty clear that she didn't consider me a friend. Regardless, I did invite her to watch the movie at my house with everyone else. It would be stupid and immature not to do that. While I don't think we'll ever be good friends again, there's definitely no need to make anyone feel left out. I appreciate her efforts to make sure that I'm involved,as she did today when we all went to Chili's, and I'm sure she's glad that we can all hang out without it being awkward. I guess a part of me is sad that our friendship for the most part is feigned, but I can't really help that now. It's still nice to be cordial to each other.

The movie ended up being terrible. While I did enjoy the first hour of it, Avatar just felt like it dragged on for what felt like decades. To be honest, I don't even know what happens. I'll just remember what I can from Pocahontas and call it a done deal. I might've enjoyed it more had I been watching it myself and actually "watching" the movie. It seems to be impossible to do that with friends. We ended up just talking for all of it and sitting on each other. I did not appreciate the two biggest guys in the entire group sitting on my chest while I was passed out. Still, I have to say that deep down, it made me feel like a part of the group again, and it actually made me smile. The day after I came back was definitely a success.

Now it's almost 6:00 am, and I've decided to wrap things up. I'm praying I don't wake up ridiculously late tomorrow as I promised to go to the mall with one of my very best friends. She's been oh so lovely ever since I left for Korea, and I have to say that I feel guilty that I didn't believe in her so much before. I thought she was one of those people who wasn't exactly.... real? She seemed slightly fake to me, and I thought that we would never be good friends. I really regret how I used to feel about our relationship because she is absolutely one of the closest friends I have now, and I feel like she'll always be there for me if I need her. I can't wait to give her the souvenirs and present I got for her when I get back! I'm pretty sure she doesn't read my blog, so I can ruin the surprise here (hu hu hu). I know she's a hugeee fan of this Korean celebrity, and he actually has an ad campaign going on in Korea right now. So, I was flipping through a magazine when I saw it. There it was, this fine man in all of his perfect glory. Although it was a public magazine, I ripped out the page with the ad and carefully placed it into my bag. I smuggled in a random page from a magazine that belonged to some caffe. I am just that badass. Hahah, but I'm sure she'll find it funny, or at least appreciate my fail-tastic efforts to get her something I knew she wanted.

But alas, tis 6:00 and I cannot keep my chinky eyes open! But I am thinking of this. Now that I've come back home, what am I going to do now? Do I do everything I can to prepare for Cornell? Do I just spend my time making plans with friends and enjoying life? Do I practice for the audition I have in two weeks, even though I haven't touched my instrument in eight months? Why is my ass itchy? I don't know what I'll be doing for the next week or so, but I just have to say, it's great to be back =)

Korean Adventures Part II (of Two)

After coming back to Seoul, my mother and I met up with a family friend we had met in America. Her name was Eun-Jung, but I just called her Unni. Unni had been studying in America for... quite some time now. Hahah, I can't exactly remember when, but I do know that she was here when I was around ten years old. I actually saw her in early July, when I was still in America. It was one of her last visits here and my parents treated her out to dinner. It was hard to talk to her since I couldn't speak Korean and she wasn't really confident in her English skills. For the most part, she can understand what I'm saying, but I guess that she's a bit embarrassed to speak in another language, which I can completely understand.

When we met up, unni had told us about eyelash extensions, and of course, my mother and I were interested. We decided to go where she told us and we proceeded to get them done. The process was relatively painless, but it was indeed freaky. At the end of it, my eyes finally had nice and fluttering lashes. I've never known the feeling before, so it definitely was a nice experience. A few have fallen out since then, but for the most part, they're still intact. They're bound to only last a week or two more. The woman who attached them said that the extensions would last for two months... if I didn't wash my face. Because that isn't completely grimy whatsoever... But so then that was the first day I saw her. My mother had mentioned to her that I REALLY wanted to go to Lotte World, which is an indoor amusement park in Korea. My unni was nice enough to volunteer to take me, even though I don't think she had any particular interest in going. We planned to go together in two days.

But before that, I had lunch with several of my relatives. My little cousin had actually flown in from Shanghai by the time I came back from the extensions place. Her father's work had placed her in China, but she and her mother came back to visit. She definitely looked all grown up, but that might just be because I haven't seen her since I was seven. She actually looked like what I would have imagined. She seems to have taken to the Korean pop culture, and it's definition of beauty and fashion. I thought it would be nice to see her, but she seemed much more involved in her own life. She has friends in Korea, and she wanted to text them, hang out with them, and I don't think she was particularly interested in seeing me. But she was staying with my grandmother as was my mother and I. To celebrate everyone's return, we all went out to a restaurant. I saw my aunt again, but I saw my uncle for the first time, and even my older cousin. We all talked and had a nice time. My mother had to get a bunch of things before we left for the States, so we went to the mall. As we walked there, I managed to talk to my older cousin. She told me she was really sorry that she couldn't really show me around. She was actually an architecture major in the best university in Korea. Seoul University is basically the equivalent of Harvard or Princeton. She really didn't even have time to breathe, so I understood completely. Even though we only talked for about ten minutes, I absolutely loved her. She seemed so friendly and down-to-earth. I wish I could have seen her more, but it was nice knowing that I had such kind relatives. I had hoped that my relationship with my little cousin would be similar, but it really wasn't.

Now that I think about it, I am leaving out a few bit parts here and there, but I figure these posts are absurdly long that I don't need to bore anyone with any more of these irrelevant stories. But now I can talk about something I was looking forward to for the entire trip: Lotte World. This is basically the equivalent of Six Flags in America. The amazing part is that half of it is indoors while the other half is outside. My unni showed me around and took me on all the rides I wanted. This was definitely a great experience, and we were able to talk a lot more than we ever did. I realize now just what a great person she really is, and I'm glad to add more people like that in my life. I got to know more about her and get to know her on a level we really couldn't before. The place was fun, the girl was fun, what more could I ask for? I have to say that I definitely am one of the most dumbest people with no level of common sense whatsoever though. I kept my camera in my pocket on went on this ride called "THE GIANT LOOP". It didn't occur to me that possibly, PERHAPS, my camera might be able to fall out while I'm suspended upside fifty feet in the air. So now I'm left with a disgustingly mangled camera and it's because my stupidity. I don't know how, but the thing still manages to work perfectly fine. I think it's lucky. Or it's like me. It'll function no matter how many times you drop it =D Or at least that's what my parents told me...

And now that brings me to my last day in Korea. Well, next to last to be exact, but it was the last day that I would be able to do anything really. I asked my cousin if she could take me to a club because I always wanted to try that, especially in Korea. She had everything all organized. She took me to a few places beforehand because the club doesn't open until 11pm. She picked me up as soon as she got off work, and we had dinner. The weird thing, the only food that we both really enjoy is Korean BBQ. So of course I had that for about the seventh time in my entire trip. This is absolutely ABSURD since that shiz costs like $80 bucks for two people, but my cousin's always trying to do what's best for me. I seriously can't thank her enough for constantly being considerate of my wishes and what makes me happy. That night, we went to a few bars, had a few drinks, and she showed me the nightlife. I have to say that I'm actually pretty disappointed in myself in that department hahaha. I definitely have a ridiculously low level of tolerance, and I definitely can't drink beer. The taste is absolutely vomit-inducing to my stomach, which I'll never quite understand. I even had a delicioussss apple martini and a few other drinks as the night went on, but I knew I had to stop at three. I hate me and my asian self >.< But back to the clubbing. When it came time to enter the club, it turns out that the police were doing ID checks. I didn't have one on me since I'm from the States, but I still wouldn't be allowed in. The police were actually adamant about the IDs, and it was the first time that they ever did such a thing. Usually, people who didn't look like middle schoolers could just walk in, but it was a special day I guess, full of debauchery that needed to be kept in check. Still, my cousin felt terrible and attempted to show me around other places. I don't think I particularly enjoyed all of the places, but it meant a lot to me that she would go to such lengths when she could've easily called it a night. I actually did have a lot of fun overall, and I think that my birthday was a pretty nice day =)

I definitely should have described that a bit more, but my wickedly tired self is telling me to give up. But I must trudge on. And so it's the final day. I'm leaving. My grandmother and aunt drop my mother and me off at the terminal. I absolutely adore my aunt. I didn't know just how sweet of a person she was until I came this summer. She's also one of those people who just wanted to make sure I was always comfortable and content. I can't even begin to thank her for all she's done. Overall, I have to say that I actually like all of my relatives. They're just so... caring. I don't really have a family environment like that at home. It's just my immediate family in New Jersey, and for once, I felt like I was a part of one of those gigantic family reunions. I was actually really sad that I had to leave them all before really getting to know them, but I know they'll be there when I come back. But it was rough. I started tearing up when my grandmother started leaving. She had this look of genuine despair on her face. She didn't want my mother to go so soon. My mother also started crying. It was just one big sobfest, but we managed to get through it. For now, all I can do is give my best wishes and hope that they're doing okay on the other side of the world.

So, in summarization: I loved my trip, my relatives, and the things I did there. I did become a lot closer with some of them, and I can't wait for the day when I can speak proper Korean and really tell them how much I appreciate their warm atmosphere. But now, I'm back home, and I couldn't be more elated.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Korean Adventures Part I

Finally. I'm back home after what feels like ages. Actually, my trip doesn't seem that long now that I think about it. I came home at what feels like the perfect time. If I stayed any longer, I probably wouldn't have enjoyed my trip as much. But there's still so much to tell about it! I don't know where to start...

But let's see. After these past three weeks, I would definitely give my vacation two gigantic (because I have mutuated monster hands apparently) thumbs up. I think at the beginning, I was being too pessimistic about it. I shouldn't have kept thinking about what I could be doing, and focusing what I can do there. I ended up doing a LOT of things. My last wall post ended with me going to the shopping mecca of the country. Within the next few days, I managed to go to my mother's cousin's house. I would write something else for the title, but I don't really know that the name for that type of relative is. We'll just call him Uncle A. Hahaha, so I was at Uncle A's house because I needed to fill out the ballot for my freshman writing seminar. Because I lived in America all of my life, he thought that I could help his son with his English homework. The kid is seven years old, so I figured it couldn't be too hard. WRONG. HORRIBLY WRONG.

I was shocked and appalled at the level of complexity for an elementary school student's homework in a foreign language. I tried to help him in the section about diction. The excerpt was about Greek mythology, more specifically, the creation myth. So, the premise is that a teacher is talking about how different cultures made stories and reasons as for how the earth and its inhabitants came to be. Whatever happened to the old stories about Peter Cottontail, or how the chicken crossed the road? I didn't know schoolwork had to be this complicated. But it was about to get worse. The excerpt expected the student to be able to list the string of words missing from the passage, based on what the reader said aloud. There were words like cosmological, apparitions, condescending... I don't think kids in high school even know how to spell these words. I couldn't believe that these third graders were expected to know so much. I'm almost positive that half the people in my grade can't even spell cosmogony. I didn't even know that was a word. So, with my faith in the American education system shaken, and my confidence in my intelligence level dropping, I went home. I thanked Uncle A and the family for letting me stay over for so long. Although I filled out my ballot hours before, I was on facebook for the most part and they didn't mind at all. They even treated me out for Chinese food in the middle of it.

And so I started packing for my trip to Gwangju. Gwangju is very much in the southern part of South Korea. My cousin had told my mother and I to come down there. Her husband had been stationed there by the military, and so they had an apartment in the area and wanted to show us around. I have to say, those two days were probably the most fun I had the entire trip. The train ride was about three hours long, which was the lowest point of the trip. I didn't particularly mind, as I kept thinking about the fourteen hour hell hole my previous flight was. Anyways, when we arrived, my cousin and her beau first took us out to eat. I have to say: I'm officially in love with Korean BBQ. The dish we had was called kalbi, but it wasn't the traditional kind. Instead of beef, it was actually pork. It was cooked in a special oven that marinated it in a specific. It was apparently one of those restaurants featured in a travel guide. Needless to say, I ate my entire weight in the stuff. It was quite possibly the best tasting thing I had in Korea. I'm sure many are jealous, as I realize now that Korean BBQ is actually really popular among Americans. I'm salivating at the moment just thinking about it. Wow, I'm fat.

But after our scrumptious lunch, we set out to do anything and everything that we could possibly do as tourists. This involved driving around for two hours to every place we went. I felt bad for my cousin's husband's (is there a shorter term for that?) right foot. I feel the pain. But let's see... The first place we went to was a cute area in a quaint town. We went for a bike ride in these golf cart-like contraptions. They were quite adorable, and not nearly as exhausting as a tandem bike. I actually had a lot of fun riding around with my cousin in the beautiful weather. Although it was ridiculously hot. For the time I stayed in Korea, it was monsoon season and also the hottest summer of the past eighty years. I have the best timing, obviously.

But back to the trip. After enjoying some freshly baked goods and relaxing in the comforts of the air conditioned car, we set off to a bamboo forest. It's exactly what it sounds like, which is a bunch of bamboo stalks being everywhere. While this sounds boring, I think the place was absolutely gorgeous and that I got a couple of nice things out of it. I got this bracelet made of complete bamboo and I even got a stamp in my name, so I can look officially when sending out letters. Chyeah. I'll be sure to upload the photos within the next few days, but I doubt they're that interesting. It's really just ones of me. Being weird. Even I don't enjoy that.

Listing the things I did, it really doesn't seem like a lot, but I have to say that it sure felt like an eternity. I remember practically dying as soon as we reached the couple's apartment. But of course, with the wi-fi, I absolutely had to check my facebook. I showed my cousin what it was like, and she was surprised. I think that Koreans don't utilize facebook nearly as much as Americans do for social networking. Strangely, my cousin actually has a twitter and updates it constantly. I found that pretty odd to be honest. But she really liked everything I showed her, and I pointed out a few of my friends, my time at junior and senior prom, and my general time in America. My mother got mad, asking me why I never want to show her my facebook. I promptly ignored her. But she told me to go to sleep soon, as we had a long day ahead of us. We were only staying in Gwangju for two days and one night, but my cousin was determined to make sure we get the entire experience.

The next day, I woke up and got ready to go to a village completely overrun by green tea leaves. It was a mountain filled with just thousands upon thousands of the plants. I got to have some of the famous green tea products, like their ice cream and green tea latte. Of course, it was amazing. I wish I was a bit more of an actual tea connoisseur, so I could enjoy the tea my mother was going to bring back home, but I think I'm too much of a kid at heart. I'll stick to my water and hot chocolate for the most part >.< Again, it was a day with scalding temperatures, but I still had a pretty good time. Afterwards, we attempted to travel to the most southern part of South Korea. We did actually get there, but on the way back up the mountain, we got a flat. This definitely reminded me of the time Kevin and I hung out for the first time, and we had a flat in New Brunswick. While that's one of my most fondest memories now, it was fucking scary at the time. With a train to catch and no one to be seen, this seemed like a really bad time to get a flat on the tip of Korea. Luckily, the insurance covered things like that and we were able to get a technician to get down there and help us. However, the guy took more than ten minutes (what he had initially told us) to get there. Actually, he arrived forty five minutes later, just in time for another repairman to show up because he thought the first one had gotten lost. Because of the whole incident, the repair ended up being free, but the good part was that we were finally able to get into the car and drive back to the train station.

About halfway through our drive back to the station, my cousin starts to worry. It turns out that the station is about two hours away at the moment, and our train departs in an hour and thirty minutes. My cousin-in-law (yeah that's it) then proceeds to go at a whopping 130 km per hour *roughly HOLY FREAKING HECK THAT's RIDICULOUSLY FAST* and swivel around all of the other cars around us. It seemed like we weren't going to make it, but he managed to get us there just in time. He even ran and carried our heavy suitcase to where our train was. He honestly is one of the sweetest people I've ever met, and I definitely approve. I didn't know what kind of person he was before I came here, but now I know that my cousin was really lucky in meeting him.

And... that's when we came back to Seoul! I definitely have more to write but as of now, my hands are ridiculously tired as is my face. I shall continue this in another post! It will be the last one of my vacation. So, to be continued =)

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Ah internet, we meet again....

Well, I’m back in Seoul after about a four day stay in Cheongju. It definitely wasn’t the most eventful part of my trip thus far, but I still think that it was worth going. I mean, it might possibly have been the last time I see my grandmother, so it’s better to check up on her now. I mean, I was slightly offended though hahaha. She looks me up and down and just goes, “Lose some weight, okay?” You know just what to say Mammy =) But of course I don’t really mind. I think all grandparents say/do the craziest things. The one from my mother’s side loves to just… fart all the time. I know now where my mother gets it from. Seriously, we’ll be in the middle of The Notebook, in the saddest scene of the entire movie, and my mother just lets one out while the two die in each others’ arms. It was obnoxiously loud, and practically as long as the movie. I think parents just don’t know the appropriate times for bowel movements, which for me, is in the bathroom.

But I digress. I should talk more about my trip. So, what I did at Cheongju. I went out to dinner with my uncle and my mother while I was there, and I have to say, I don’t think I like Korean food all that much. Well, at least not the traditional kind. I think it’s a bit too weird for me. In case anyone wanted to know, jellyfish isn’t as chewy as it looks. It’s actually crunchy. That was a gross experience. But after having lunch, we managed to visit my grandfather’s grave. It was actually monsoon season in Korea up until last week, so it had been raining nonstop. That day was surprisingly very sunny, and we were able to take the car up the mountain. My grandfather’s grave resided in this isolated area of one of the mountains, and I have to say that it was absolutely gorgeous. I’m glad that he’s buried in an area that looks over the entire area that’s surrounded by beautiful wildflowers and such. I didn’t really cry much when I saw his grave, but of course my mother was bawling. I think that because I didn’t really know him or even talk to him that I can’t feel any real attachment, but that might just be what I tell myself so I think I’m not an insensitive bastard. I felt bad for my uncle though, since his son’s grave was there as well. He died of malaria before I was born, and he was around fifteen I think. My uncle doesn’t really like to talk all that much, so I can’t ever tell what he’s really thinking. Still, I did appreciate that he took us so far just to see my grandfather. It meant a lot.

For the other three days in Cheongju, I didn’t really do much. My grandmother liked to stay inside her room by herself for the most part, and I just enjoyed being on the computer and watching Korean television. I actually started watching the Vampire Diaries since I got here, which is slightly pathetic I have to say. But I still liked it and I’m planning on watching it when I get back in the States. But back to the real story. On the last day of my stay, I mainly spent my time in my grandmother’s room with my mother. We figured that she might enjoy some company before we left. After all, it’s really just her. My uncle does live with her, but he ends up staying out for work until 11pm. For the most part, she’s all alone. She gave me these earrings as a parting gift, and they were beautiful. I think she has a hard time telling me just how she feels, but I do think that she cares, and that she wants something for me to remember her by.

So we left my grandmother, and came back to my grandparents who live in Seoul. I can’t really recall all that I’ve done since then, but I’ll try my best. Hahaha, let’s see… Just two days ago, I went on this thing called the Seoul City Tour. The tour consists of a bus that goes all around the city to different destinations. A person can get off at whichever destination he wants, and can look around. There will be buses arriving at a certain checkpoint every twenty minutes so that when said person is done at one specific area, he can get on the bus and relocate to a different attraction. My mother really wanted to go on this thing because I guess she feels the need for me to be edumacated somehow. It’s summer. IDGAF. But I thought that I’d been doing most of the things that I want to do, so the city tour was the least I could do for her.

On the tour, we stopped at the National Museum of Korea. It was, as I expected, very bland. I don’t think I hate history or that I’m uncultured, but I don’t generally like the idea of museums. I much prefer places that showcase art and music, not stones and pottery. But of course that’s just my opinion. Hopefully I don’t sound too dimwitted right now hahaha. Anyways, we also stopped at this palace. I can’t really remember the name, but of course, it was gorgeous. It turns out that it was completely rebuilt after the Japanese had destroyed it in an invasion during the 1500s. Since then, it’s been retouched slightly and has maintained most of its properties from the way it was in the thirteenth century. I think I would have liked the place more had it not been over ninety degrees OR my feet weren’t in pain from all of the walking. I know I’m unathletic , but even for regular people that was a lot of trekking. My newly formed blisters do not approve.

OH, and on another note, it turns out that the reason as to why my pinkie toenail has a black spot on it… is because it’s infected -_- Possibly with a fungus. That thing has been there for like, five months, and I’ve only heard of this now. I am both disgusted and mortified. Hopefully I can get that fixed as soon as I get home, but I won’t be able to do anything about it until then. That goes perfectly with my slightly missing big toenail. Basically, WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS, I was walking with two friends in Princeton to go to this frozen yogurt place. It had been raining just thirty minutes ago, and the streets were slippery. I almost fall once, much to everyone’s amusement, and then I actually do trip, to everyone’s raucous laughter. Derek was even pounding the pavement from how hysterically hilarious he thought it was. I think I looked like a straight up drunk prostitute with two boys and me falling all over the place. But so then I scraped my knee a bit and my big toe was bleeding from underneath the toenail. I finally get home after the night at Princeton (which I actually had a lot of fun doing =)), and I end up tripping over one of the suitcases my mother had left out for our vacation. It hurt a lot more than I thought a regular stub would, so I turn on a light and look down, just to see my toenail missing and my foot bleeding. I guess that solves the mystery of how to get blood out from underneath the nail. But luckily, the nail has almost grown back to a presentable length at this time! I have to say though, my feet look seriously jacked up. It’s like a midget hobo’s pair of feet are attached to mine. Or maybe a hobbit’s.

But let’s see… other things I’ve done. Oh, the reason as to why I had to leave my grandmother in Cheongju. There was a Park (my mother’s side) family reunion in Seoul, and so I got to see my great aunt, my mother’s cousins, and various others. They all say the same thing about me, which is actually pretty funny. Apparently I have gorgeous eyes and nose. Luckily, they’re kind enough not to comment on my weight, although I’m pretty sure they’re all thinking it. Haha, but I do like that they shower me with compliments that I don’t nearly deserve. I had never seen almost all of the people I saw that day, so it was definitely nice to get to see everyone before I left for the States again. So we all had lunch together and got acquainted. I felt bad for the left side of the table since it seemed like they wanted to join in on the conversations, but were isolated on their own island. One of my mother’s cousins had a wife, and she looked so eager to listen in and possibly make a conjecture, but then never did. I felt for her. Hahah, she was like me except probably less of a fail.
But of course there’s the shopping. I know I have a problem. I think that I have this mindset that I can’t go somewhere without purchasing at least one item, and that if I don’t get anything, then the entire day is shot. I don’t do this on purpose, but it seems to be the concept that I’ve picked up, and I’m not particularly proud of myself for doing so. I can definitely have fun without shopping, but my mother thinks that it’s all I ever think about, and that’s certainly not the case. It bothers me that she feels that way, but I guess I do exhibit the behavior that would condone that. I think it mainly has to do with how my mother and I don’t really get along that well. We like completely different things and almost never see eye to eye. The only thing we do have in common is shopping, and that’s usually the only thing we do together besides going out to eat. But this isn’t Dr. Phil family analyze time, so I’ll just move on. I went to this duty free place that sold my two most favorite Korean makeup brands: Etude House and Skinfood. I hadn’t seen a Skinfood store since I got to Korea, so I was particularly excited to get things from there. I ended up only buying two things, but they were the ones I had researched. Oh, and in case you couldn’t tell, I have a ridiculously obsession with cosmetics. I don’t want to sound like too much of a makeup geek, but I’ve definitely been going on a ridiculous spending spree because of it. I think that my newfound wealth has been spent on either clothes or makeup, with the latter being more prominent. But at the duty free shop, I purchased a few things for myself, including this face mask. Now, it wasn’t in my bag originally, but some Japanese girl had literally nine tubs of the stuff in her cart, so I figured it had to be good. I don’t really have a need for a moisturizing mask though, so I’m thinking I might give it to one of my friends who suffer from dry skin. I’ll say that someone personally recommended it. I’ll leave out the unintentional part.

I also went to this famous place in Seoul called Dongdaemun. The first time I went with my aunt. I was spending part of my time there to research my options for my freshman writing seminar. Her house (thank bejesus) has internet and air-conditioning, something that is clearly missing from my grandparents’ house. She said that she was bored and so we went there at around ten at night. She showed us around the parts that she knew, which were slightly… matronly. I didn’t say it to her face, but the market was clearly geared towards a more mature age level. Still, I got two dresses there, one of which was only ten bucks! I was quite excited about that, although I do have to say, it’s randomly tight in the ass area. I thought the top part would be an issue, what with my broad shoulders and big stomach, but it was nice and roomy there. Instead, I felt like my butt was being stuck into a sausage like contraption. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to make do. According to Korean scales, I have a ghetto booty =P.

Anyways, the second time I went to Dongdaemun was with my cousin. She took me to the more teenager-ish areas and it was pretty nice! The only thing was that I was tired, and of course my mother was as well. Although I wanted to look more and get into the Korean style, my mother just had a tired look on her face and kept asking to leave. I was a bit peeved about that, but I can understand. I don’t really enjoy being with her when she’s in Banana Republic, so I can’t hold that against her. I also got two new pairs of glasses since my parents figured I would need them for college. I was only going to get one, but the other pair was fifteen dollars and cute, so my mother thought it was a good deal. I was pretty happy with the frames I got, but the ones that looked the best were these absolutely beautiful Bvlgari ones. I fell in love at first sight. My heart sank as soon as I saw the price. It was 340,000 won, aka 300 bucks. I knew I couldn’t get those, especially with my track record of losing things. I couldn’t get over how pretty they were, but I couldn’t expect my mother to get me those, and I shouldn’t have expected to get them. Also, I got my old glasses fixed since they were ridiculously crooked. As soon as the optometrist saw them, he said that someone had either stepped on them or sat on them. I shrugged my shoulders when all eyes were on me, but I definitely remembered rolling on top of them in my sleep more than once. My mother shook her head at my stupidity. Lol, these are the little things that get to me! I know they sound ridiculously superficial, but that’s just because they are =P

I also got a shirt from some store and two necklaces that were exact duplicates of the two that I own, but had broken. I think anyone can see why my mother wouldn’t trust me with 300 dollar glasses. But overall, the trip to Dongdaemun was nice. I had horrible indigestion right before we went though. I thought my stomach was going to explode. I guess that’s what I get for eating too much and not pooping enough. Hahaha, my cousin actually got something of the Korean boy band 2PM because one of my friends wanted a poster from them. I thought that she got me a poster to give to my friend, but when I saw her, she handed me these miniscule postcards. I laughed, she was confused. It turns out that she thought that’s what I meant. I think postcards are actually ridiculously dumb, but I still loved her effort. She always tries to do whatever she can to make sure I’m either having fun or I get what I want. That sounds like I’m ridiculously spoiled, which I do consider myself as in Korea.

So, there were a few other things I did here and there, but I think that my laptop is burning my lap and that I’m sweating as though I’m in a sauna, indicating that I should end this blog post and go to bed. But before I do that, I have to mention the friends who have been messaging me or writing on my wall on facebook since I’ve been in Korea… I just want to say thanks. It means so much to me that they’ve been trying to keep in contact with me this whole time. Sometimes, when I have nothing to here, I get really lonely and just think about all of the things my friends are doing without me, and I’m sure that they’re perfectly fine even without me there, and that makes me sad. But when I see that someone takes time out of their life to keep me updated and write me long messages, I become instantly elated. So, this is basically a hugeeee cyber hug to all those people who have been leaving me wonderful messages this whole time. Whether it’s telling me about what they’ve been doing recently or just a random story about three guys in White Castle, I absolutely adore every single message I get. I don’t feel like as much of a loser because of such nice people =)