Wednesday, June 23, 2010

You know that I love you boy....

Yeah, so that song is officially stuck in my head. This isn't much of a surprise since I am massively in love with Lady Gaga, but I honestly find the song pretty annoying now. Haha, I remember when I used to get obsessive over music, like in sophomore year when I would listen to Green Day nonstop. I knew all of their lyrics, even from their two albums before Dookie. I even knew all of the tattooes on each respective musician's arm. Luckily, I grew out of that. Otherwise, I might've turned out like the creepy emo chick who looks like she overdosed on black eyeliner and nail polish. Although I do like my eyeliner....

Moving on. I read on my formspring that someone actually had a request! It definitely made my day, and it also gave me some new fodder to write about! So.. the future. It used to seem so far away just four years ago. I know it's only college, but I feel the pressure of finding a job and making a name for myself becoming much more prominent. I think it's because I thought by now, I would've figured out what I wanted to do with my life. I still haven't had that "Aha!" moment in which I know what path I'm supposed to take. To be honest, I'm terribly frightened that I come out of college with some bogus degree that's good for nothing and then waste another four years in grad school without ever gaining the necessary tools to excel in a specific profession.

For the sake of college applications, I wrote down either Business or Economics as my major. And I know this will sound bad, but for Cornell, I applied to the College of Arts and Sciences because the application for it was so much easier to "bullshit" than the one for the College of Agricultural and Life Sciences (the one with the actual business school). I'm surprised Cornell even accepted me. The title of my supplementary essay was, "Italian and Economics: Perfetto!" I can't believe something like that actually managed to impress someone. I'm actually grateful that the admissions people decided to take a risk and choose me, despite my horrible application. But this isn't about the admissions process. This is about deciding a major.

Just a week or two ago, I received an e-mail from an Assistant Dean asking if I were changing my intended major. I did e-mail him back right away, saying that I perhaps would like to transfer into the business school or the college of hotel administration. I try to seem so sure of my decision, and yet I still can't back it up. I find myself constantly questioning my every move. Is this really what I want to do, or am I pressured by the figures around me to go into a certain field? All I know is that I want to get out of college and not have to go to grad school and create an even heftier financial burden on my parents. Thus, going into hotel management seemed like the best idea. I mean, it's what Cornell's best at and all of the girls I met absolutely loved it. But still, that voice in the back of my head... Do I want this?

Even today, I can't really find what I'm looking for, and I think for the most part, this year will be dedicated to keeping my GPA up so I can transfer if I deem it necessary. It'll be a chance for me to find out more about myself and Cornell as well. I guess freshman year might turn out to be a life journey. For now, I can't wait, but I'm also horrified beyond belief. And yet, I think things will turn out okay. Maybe I'm just crazy for thinking that. Oh wait, I was always crazy. =)

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