Monday, August 9, 2010

So... What happens now?

It's 5:17 at the moment, and I definitely should be sleeping. Before this I was on oovoo with one of my friends who I haven't seen this entire summer. Despite all the mean things he says to me sometimes, I do think that he is an amazing friend and that I'm glad I wasn't too ignorant and got to know some juniors in the past couple of years. Hahaha, this sounds terrible, but I think that his misery makes me happy. He told me that he didn't like how I told another girl in his grade things that I haven't told him, even though he's known me longer. Do I sense... jealousy?? I wouldn't go far to say it's that, but it seemed like he cared enough to want to be good friends that he was insulted when it didn't seem that way. Now don't I feel so popular ;)

Regardless, I just think that while spending three hours on oovoo was excessive, I seem to always have a fun time with these types of conversations. Oh, and that reminds me! I just recently made a skype since it seems like everyone in the world and their grandmothers have one. I decided to join the bandwagon and see if it'll be easier than oovoo. So far it's look pretty interesting. Of course Katherine is the first one to invite me into a conversation. I really do consider her one of my best friends. I can't get over the things she does for me. She always manages to include me in her life, and that's a lot more than I can say for most of my friends. Even if I don't know any of the other people in the conversation on skype, she compliments my asian looks and introduces me to her friends. And she even drew me a picture of myself as a birthday gift. I didn't actually tell her, but I almost cried. I can't begin to describe how much something like that touched me, but after spending my entire birthday on a plane, and coming home to nobody, I began to think that maybe my eighteenth birthday wasn't such a bust after all.

I don't mean to get so sensitive on what should be a happy day, but for the most part, my birthday is usually a lonely one, and this year was no different. I did hang out with some friends the day after, but it just wasn't the same. No one said happy birthday to me unless I reminded them, I didn't receive any gifts, and I felt like only one person truly acknowledged that my birthday was just the day before. I know these all sound like materialistic things, but I just wanted some indication that people... genuinely cared. I guess I had high hopes because my last birthday was absolutely wonderful. Beth had actually thrown me a surprise party, and it was the one birthday I'll always remember. I can't imagine someone going so far to do so much for me, and it quite possibly was the best one I've had in my eighteen years.

So, what have I been doing since I got back? Well, thanks for the question voice in my head! I would love to tell you. Lately I've just been trying to squeeze in as many hang-outs as I can before I leave for college. It was about halfway into my Korea trip that I realized I was only going to be in North Brunswick for two more weeks. I panicked. That isn't nearly enough time to see all of my friends. But I'll make it work. Or at least I keep telling myself that. It just has to. If I really want to, I think I'll be able to. I don't think I'll cry the day I leave, since none of my friends will be there, but it saddens me to think that this is all the time I have with them. Life's too short to spend it without close friends.

In the past two days, I've seen about... ten of the people I intended to see. I think that's a pretty good start. I didn't actually know until the day it was happening, but my friend had been planning a beach day and then watching a movie afterwards for the day after I came back. I saw it in time so that I could go to the event. I didn't go to the beach because I wanted to see another person first, but I did decide to catch the movie. So, with my friend in the afternoon, we decided to go to Burrito Royale, quite possibly one of the shadiest burrito shacks in the area. But my friend thought it would've been a nice idea to get ice cream as well. I was craving any and all American food. After three weeks of delicious Korean meals, I needed some Taco Bell and Wendy's in my stomach. We ended up going to Friendly's and ordering more than enough food to feed all of Ethiopia. Needless to say, we didn't go to the burrito shack. I couldn't even find it! It practically up and walked away. But moving on. I went to go see that movie. I gave a couple of people their souvenirs, and we ate pizza while watching Avatar. It was initially planned that we see it at the park, but it was ridiculously crowded. So, I offered my house since my parents couldn't possibly say no to the birthday girl. I think all in all, it was a good night. I did suffer from jetlag and so towards the end of it, I actually fell asleep >.< But I definitely did remember why I missed hanging out with these guys. They're all hysterical and ridiculously fun. There really aren't too many dull moments. I had a lot of fun listening to their stories at the beach about rubbing nipples, as strange as that sounds.

There was one thing I was a bit hesitant about that day though. There was an ex-friend who I also hadn't seen for a long time. She's definitely a big part of our group of mutual friends, but I knew she didn't particularly like me. There were some issues around prom season that I think I blogged about in a different post, but it's not really necessary to bring it up now. Basically, while I did want to be friends with her, it seemed highly unlikely that would ever happen, and she made it pretty clear that she didn't consider me a friend. Regardless, I did invite her to watch the movie at my house with everyone else. It would be stupid and immature not to do that. While I don't think we'll ever be good friends again, there's definitely no need to make anyone feel left out. I appreciate her efforts to make sure that I'm involved,as she did today when we all went to Chili's, and I'm sure she's glad that we can all hang out without it being awkward. I guess a part of me is sad that our friendship for the most part is feigned, but I can't really help that now. It's still nice to be cordial to each other.

The movie ended up being terrible. While I did enjoy the first hour of it, Avatar just felt like it dragged on for what felt like decades. To be honest, I don't even know what happens. I'll just remember what I can from Pocahontas and call it a done deal. I might've enjoyed it more had I been watching it myself and actually "watching" the movie. It seems to be impossible to do that with friends. We ended up just talking for all of it and sitting on each other. I did not appreciate the two biggest guys in the entire group sitting on my chest while I was passed out. Still, I have to say that deep down, it made me feel like a part of the group again, and it actually made me smile. The day after I came back was definitely a success.

Now it's almost 6:00 am, and I've decided to wrap things up. I'm praying I don't wake up ridiculously late tomorrow as I promised to go to the mall with one of my very best friends. She's been oh so lovely ever since I left for Korea, and I have to say that I feel guilty that I didn't believe in her so much before. I thought she was one of those people who wasn't exactly.... real? She seemed slightly fake to me, and I thought that we would never be good friends. I really regret how I used to feel about our relationship because she is absolutely one of the closest friends I have now, and I feel like she'll always be there for me if I need her. I can't wait to give her the souvenirs and present I got for her when I get back! I'm pretty sure she doesn't read my blog, so I can ruin the surprise here (hu hu hu). I know she's a hugeee fan of this Korean celebrity, and he actually has an ad campaign going on in Korea right now. So, I was flipping through a magazine when I saw it. There it was, this fine man in all of his perfect glory. Although it was a public magazine, I ripped out the page with the ad and carefully placed it into my bag. I smuggled in a random page from a magazine that belonged to some caffe. I am just that badass. Hahah, but I'm sure she'll find it funny, or at least appreciate my fail-tastic efforts to get her something I knew she wanted.

But alas, tis 6:00 and I cannot keep my chinky eyes open! But I am thinking of this. Now that I've come back home, what am I going to do now? Do I do everything I can to prepare for Cornell? Do I just spend my time making plans with friends and enjoying life? Do I practice for the audition I have in two weeks, even though I haven't touched my instrument in eight months? Why is my ass itchy? I don't know what I'll be doing for the next week or so, but I just have to say, it's great to be back =)

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