Friday, September 3, 2010

Day One: 10 things you want to say to ten different people right now

We basically did a crash course in becoming best friends, but you have no idea how happy you've made me. I was so afraid that everyone was going to hate me, that I would never have any real friends in Cornell. Clearly, I don't think that anymore, and I have you to thank for it. Whether it's talking about farts, poop, or watching DVD's, I feel like life is never a dull moment with our conversations. We practically hang out every single day, and as much as I annoy you, I think you think we're good friends too. I really hope that I can tell you someday how much you've made an impact on me.

I really am not a whore. I was looking for someone like you all along, and I'm really upset that I made such a horrible impression on you. I wish I could take things back.

I'm sorry I disappointed you. You think of me as this perfect little girl, and I promised you that I would never do anything to hurt you. Lately, I feel like that's all I ever do. You were so happy that I called you to say how I've been, but that was quite possibly the smallest amount of effort I could've given. I never want to hurt you or make you think lowly of me, but I only exhibit behavior that would make you feel this way. I feel like I die a little bit inside because of this. I'm sorry I can't be what you want me to be.

You're quite possibly one of the funniest bitches I know. Seriously, everything you do makes me laugh hysterically. Asking me to make you noodles and falling asleep in my bed when I'm not there just makes me love you so much more. I hope we never have to part, even if we don't live on the same floor next year.

Can you really not see how much I genuinely like you? I forgot how it was to have a small little crush, this feeling of giddiness, just from talking to someone. You only called me cute once, and have proceeded to ignore me after this incident. I want to know if you still think that way, or if I'm just keeping my hopes up for nothing. I want nothing more than for you to like me, but I'd much rather know now that you don't feel that way at all.

I would so hate you if you weren't so gosh darn likable. Hahah, as weird as this sounds, I envy you too much. You're gorgeous, skinny, hilarious, caring, and effortlessly chic. You get all the guys without putting in any effort, and everyone approaches you first. Even the friends who have known me longer all flock to you. But you're so relatable, so sweet, and I feel like you think we're great friends. I can't help but adore you and want to be best friends with you. I hope you know how much I love your randomness and your notable quoteables =)

Goddammit, how many times can I say no? Seriously, you practically dragged me to make out with you, and you did actually drag me to stay. I kept trying to get away, but you just wouldn't let me. I definitely wouldn't mind being friends, but you're making it pretty hard on me. I wanted nothing but to be nice to everyone, but now I seem like a skanky bitch to at least three people now. Thanks a lot.

You are quite possibly one of the craziest partiers I know, and it's both good and bad. I love hanging out with you and talking to you about the randomest things. But I feel like a loser whenever I don't want to go out with you. I think a lot of the times that I could definitely just stay at home and be perfectly content, but when you ask me to go out, I feel like I have no choice. I just can't resist your partying ways. I resent you and love you for it. But I definitely like you more than anything else. You're quite possibly my closest girl friend since I've gotten here, and I absolutely appreciate it.

What's wrong with you? I can't believe you would do something like this to me. It's so minor, and yet so fucked up. I don't understand why you think it was necessary to do that. I thought we were good friends, best friends, and you can't even give me that. I slightly hate you right now. I'll wait a few days to make sure I'm not overreacting, but you really hurt me.

I'm sorry. For everything. You deserve so much better than me. You tell me you're infatuated with me every day, that I'm perfect, downright wonderful. But I'm not. I'm a horrible person. I can't trust you. For all I know you could be having raucous sex with every girl you encounter, or you could really be waiting for me this entire time. The fear of not knowing makes me anxious, and I can't wait for someone who I'm not sure about.

I think that was ten.. If not, then I fail miserably at life. But nothing else is new =)

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