Sunday, September 26, 2010

It's been too long.

So, I haven't written a legitimate blog post in what feels like years. I promised myself that I would keep an internet diary-esque contraption so I could look back on what I've been doing since I got to college. Clearly, that's failed. But I guess I can't really blame myself. Things are just overall too too hectic over here. I have prelims, which is the equivalent of midterms, in the next two days. I have my Calc I exam at seven on Tuesday, and then my Oceanography one the next day. Kills me now pureeeeeseeeee.

Hmm, what is there to tell about my life? I would say... a lot of things. Things I'm not so proud of for the most part, and some things that have just made me happy. That sounds stupid, doesn't it? Haha, I guess I can just talk about everything. To start with, I had one of the worst days of my life on Thursday night. I realized how much I had let my studies deteriorate and I was about to break down in tears. I received four 0's for my micro class in the span of twenty minutes. And before that, someone had stolen my mathematics textbook, and so I had to pay for the lost one and then buy another one. I also had a 0 for the class since I couldn't do the homework without the book. The only thing keeping me from crying myself to sleep were the friendly thoughts of my friends. One of my suitemates was about to leave a note on my wall, telling me that she'll always be there whenever I need her, and I almost teared up from how touched I was. She really does care about me, and I can't imagine not having her in my life. Another one of my suitemates texted me telling me she loved me. I love the bonds I've created since I got here. It really does mean a lot.

Overall, I definitely need to try to do well for my prelims this week. That's been the primary focus, but I've definitely been trying to wash away my worries with alcohol this weekend. The partying scene at Cornell is very... interesting. I would say that it's not exclusive by any means, but that would be a lie. Sometimes, you have to know a brother to go to a frat, or you have to arrive exactly when the party starts to get in. Still, it's really not that hard to do, and alcohol is present constantly. While I don't particularly drink Keystone, I do end up drinking something by the end of the night. This weekend was fairly... interesting. I don't really know how else to put it. At first, I went to this party at a place calling Rockledge. It was a Glo-party themed event, and blacklights lit up the various white shirts in the room. It was average at best. I thought the idea of the party would be fun, and I did enjoy dancing with my gays (lol), but there were a few too many ugly dudes trying to grind up on chicks. I found myself literally disgusted by the guys trying to grab at my vagina while on the dance floor. People seriously need to find some restraint. fjdksafjdlksa. It reminded me of the highlighter party I had gone to last Friday, and how this one creeper literally attempted to trap me in a circle. If I didn't have people protecting my ass (both figuratively and literally), I might have been in a sticky situation. I'm definitely just full of sexual puns today.

From Rockledge, I went with a couple of my gay friends to Homo-coming. Yes, homo-coming. I found it hilarious, but apparently, my role as an honorary fag hag required my presence. I didn't really mind going, as the Glo-party was getting to the point where dancing the night away with uggos seemed a bit too pathetic. I actually ended up meeting my RA there, which was a hilarious experience. I knew he was going, but he clearly pregamed before attending. I loved every second of it. He comes up to me and instantly asks me if I'm drunk. When I say that I hadn't drank that much, he shoved a flask in my face and told me to drink to my heart's content. Clearly, he's the best RA ever. We ended up grinding the night away while completely shitfaced, but don't be misled! His boyfriend from back home has his heart. It's just my job as a hag to shake dat ass. I seriously love dancing with the gays. It's quite possibly one of the best experiences that I can have on the dance floor. Of course, being drunk makes it all the more better.

We ended up going to the after-party for homo-coming, which was hilarious in itself. I ended up running into the first chair bassist while on the way there, and I dragged him to it, even though it clearly wasn't the right place to take a fellow orchestra member. He did leave after a little bit, but what happened afterward was the funniest part. I don't know how, but I apparently am able to still "get some" even in a room full of gay guys. This random guy grabs me from behind and starts to dance with me as soon as I have a minute to breathe. It turns out he's the only straight guy in the entire place. Of course, my lovely gays were in shock and awe. I definitely did not want to do what he wanted though, and it was ridiculous how much I had to push him off. He was cute, but not that cute. Ben thinks that whenever I leave for more than five seconds, I'm fucking somebody. I'm definitely not that whorey, but I still find it hilarious that he thinks it. Our friendship is oh so lovely, isn't it? Gosh, this post is so scattered.. but I shall move on.

There was... something. Something I definitely shouldn't have done. I cringe at the thought of it, and yet, I did it. I did it twice. I definitely can't get into any details, but I betrayed someone, someone I genuinely like. I shouldn't have done it, but I couldn't help myself. No, that's a lie. I definitely could have, but I didn't want to. I know that I wanted to do it, and it's not as though I wasn't the one who initiated it. I may not have been the one to start it again a second time, but I didn't resist. I shudder at the thought, and yet I'm not sure if I necessarily regret it. Regardless, I am just... disappointed in myself. I knew I would succumb to something as stupid as that, just because I'm so ridiculously selfish. I don't think of anyone but myself. The only thing I can do now is apologize, although I can never say it to their faces. I'm sorry, really, I am.

So, now what is there to say? Maybe it's karma, but I've been ridiculously sick since I've gotten to college. At first, it was a cold, and then losing my voice, and now this. Not only do I have a horrendous cough, but I also have *cue dramatic music* pinkeye. Yes, pinkeye. Seriously? Who even gets that anymore? All of the people on my floor are treating me like I have the bubonic plague, but they're slowly growing on me again lol. It is highly contagious, but only if I make a lot of contact with my eye and then on various surfaces. But my health has been slowly but surely deteriorating since I've been here, and I can't say that I particularly enjoy. Still, watchu gon' do? Shit happens.


On a brighter note, I think I'd like to talk more about... friends. It's crazy how many different people I've met since I've gotten here, and I can't be all the more grateful. It's too much fun. An example of that is Sam's boyfriend. He freaking goes to Quinnipiac, and we've managed to become best friends already. At first, we only talked via Skype whenever I would bother Sam while he was talking to Mike. We bonded our love for Lady Gaga and his love for me (except not really). Hahah, he would constantly tell me how gorgeous I was, and of course, I couldn't resist him. Mike actually came all the way up to Cornell Friday, and the two couldn't keep their hands off of each other. I'm really glad Sam found such an amazing person to be with. I genuinely love the both of them and can't imagine two better people for each other. I mean, I would say that I don't particularly enjoy it when they sexile me from my own SINGLE, but I guess I'm just too good of a friend. I keep telling myself that worse things have been done on that bed, but the two are still paying for the laundry fee. Oh, bejesus. Still, I had so much fun while Mike was here and I get to add to my fag hag status.

And... my Calc prelim is tomorrow. I'm going to study. And fail tomorrow. But I shall call it a night when it comes to blogging. Hopefully this blog post wasn't too scattered and ridiculous. On a side note, I am ridiculously excited to go back home for fall break! It's only a week from now, but it seems like it's going to take forever. I'll have to go through four prelims before I actually get on the bus back. I don't know how I'll manage, but we shall see. Wish me luck! And until we meet again... =)

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